An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up....
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they're getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You're not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?" She hangs up the phone.
The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they're both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.
Looking For a Christmas Tree is Like Looking For a Husband
For the past thirty years, our family has had the same tradition.
We go on a road trip, to a tree farm. There we spend hours looking for the "perfect tree" so we can have the "perfect Christmas".
We would get cold and tired. Mother would insist that we need the "perfect tree".
One year my sister got angry and said: "Mom, you need a reality check. The perfect tree does not exist.
Looking for a tree is like looking for a husband. Be happy that you do not find one that is dead, has too many bald spots and is straight.
The Present
One year my family invited a Rabbi for Christmas dinner.
Since he did not celebrate Christmas, we took him out to one of our favorite Chinese restaurants.
The Rabbi seemed to thoroughly enjoy the meal and of course the company.
When we finished our meal, we received the check and were each given a small tree ornament as a token of appreciation during the holiday season.
We all laughed when my mother pointed out the fact that these ornaments were "Made in India".
We all stopped laughing when we saw the Rabbi was crying.
Concerned my mother asked him if he was upset that he got a present during a Christian holiday.
The Rabbi smiled, and said "No, I was showing tears of joy to be in a wonderful country in which a Buddhist gives a Jew a Christmas gift made by a Hindu!"
