The last time I gave a talk on releasing the past, there was a woman in the audience who scowled mightily the whole time. I try not to get wrapped up in guessing what's going on in people's minds as I speak (I'll lose my place), but this was different.
I wondered if she'd been coerced into coming, if she'd gotten a speeding ticket on the way, if her boyfriend had dumped her that morning. Something...was not right.
No note taking, no laughing at my (okay, sometimes lame) jokes, just very still, dark glowering. I began to dread the end, when people get up to leave and return my pens and say goodbye. Ugh.
As I closed the session, straightaway she stomped up to me with gritted purpose. Maybe I was being served with some sort of legal document. . .
"I need to talk to you." (Uh oh.)
"When is your next private session time?" (A little softer.)
We met a few days later at a nearby Starbucks. Her story was incredible. "Donna" was a convicted felon, re-entering society after years of incarceration. She was remorseful, worried, hurting, ashamed, and -- understandably -- incredibly stressed.
She was also funny, charming, beautiful and a ball of intelligent energy. Ready for a new life. Ready to take the hard lessons learned from her experiences, and then "get busy living."
And she did. Of course it wasn't easy -- she will carry some of the weight of her mistakes with her wherever she goes. But she was lugging ALL of it around everywhere she went, a big backpack filled with every misjudgment she'd ever made, every painful consequence.
It was time to unpack.
She filled me in on some of her past, but mostly we talked about where she wants to go, who she wants to be, and then we strategized on how she can get there, realistically, intelligently, drama-free. Even just the discussion brightened her, helped her see a do-able way out into the light.
Too often we carry something heavy and burdensome because we've gotten into the unhelpful habit of hauling it, and it requires an intentional act of will to let it go. Is there something from your past that's dragging you down -- a traumatic experience, a role you never signed up for, an ugly family history?
If you're ready to lighten the load, come on out to my next free group session. We'll get you started, and you'll feel better.
