Sweeping In
Isn't it nice to be the one who sweeps in to an emergency with flowers and a reassuring smile, the one who's brave and soothing, who has it together, and with extra patience and attention to lavish on others? I like being that lady.
Lately, I'm not that lady. I've been the one who needs help, who's falling apart a little, who needs an ear and a shoulder. I hate that.
One of my sons had a long and somewhat risky surgery* last week, and this girl I know, we'll call her Mary, knew all about it. She made it her business to know, in spite of the fact that it's a hard story to hear.
The weekend before the hospital stay, Mary asked me out to dinner, even though she had to know I'd be kind of a drag. Against responsible judgement I said yes, although I should have been home fretting and doing pre-hospital chores.
During the dinner, after she'd plied me with wine, she asked again very specifically what she could do to help me, insisting that she doesn't want to be a one-sided friend, bravely poking at me for more.
I told her the truth.
I'd told others, "Pray" or "Send me funny texts and emails. No political, religious or menopause humor, please." I really did want this, and the messages helped lighten heavy air during the nervous waiting. But that night with Mary I asked, "Don't let me disappear or wave you away if things get bad, because I'll try, and probably very hard."
It was something to watch her face in that moment, because right then she looked back and recognized all the other times I've done this, dismissing help, too proud or stubborn to lean on people when I was afraid, worried. I could tell it made her a little sad, but determined. She soldiered on through my awkward pauses and furrowed brow.
I hope you have a friend like Mary is to me, one who has the courage to draw you out, wait for you to set your pride aside, and then really listen without bossing or judging, even in the most stressful times. Let them help you. Let them be the shoulder this time.
I also hope you'll be a friend like this to someone who needs it, maybe even look for the opportunity. It's what gets us through.
* He's getting better. :)
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I'll talk about good and bad stress -- and how to tell the difference -- at my next free LifeInspired group session (see sidebar). Come on out and bring that stubborn friend of yours. Y'all won't regret it.
