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We spend our lives impersonating who we think others want us to be, and we end up as living impostors. Carlton Pearson
What small faith I have has given me what artistic courage I have. My theory was that God already knows everything and cannot be shocked. And only truth is useful. Only truth can be built upon. John Updike
We don't fear death as much as we fear coming to the end of our lives and realizing that we never lived.
There is a slight lifting of the air so I can smell the earth for the first time, and yesterday I again took possession of my life here. May Sarton
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Carlton Pearson is a former Pentecostal bishop and TV evangelist. He pastored a mega-church in Tulsa, Oklahoma with over 5,000 members.
After a life-altering experience in Rwanda, Pearson had growing feelings that the doctrines he had been taught (and preached) no longer felt true for him. Even so, he believed that he could not allow himself to examine these feelings, mostly out of concern that he would "let down" his congregation.
After all, didn't they expect him to supply ready and comforting answers?
Would his questioning eventually lead him to abandon his faith?
If he was no longer the "preacher with answers," where would he find his identity?
Pearson decided, finally, that he could no longer live with the pressure of feeling like a hypocrite, and abruptly left the church. Alan Lurie writes, "Looking back, Pearson discovered that his reluctance to question the prepackaged doctrines that he had been given, and fear of examining his assumptions about how a man of faith should act, actually diminished his faith and his sense of purpose."
Today, Pearson preaches at a new church, where he speaks from his heart and soul without fear of duplicity.
I can relate to Carlton. You know, feeling like an impostor.
Here's the deal. Every single one of us wants to be at home in our own skin--to live authentic lives.
And yet, it is very easy to live from a "false self."
For some of us, it happens when we cross an invisible line in the sand of our soul.
Or, when our spirit has been finally depleted.
Or, we are fueled only by some need for survival.
You know the litany. Call it what you like, social acceptance or social routine or public opinion or labeling... It all boils down to this, "Whom are you going to dance for?"
There are so many ways we get derailed. And we create elaborate scaffolding, needed to prop up our image.
Or our ego.
Or our glittering image.
Or our fear of imperfection.
(Psychologists have actually given it a name. They call it The Impostor Complex -- Pauline Clance in 1978).
It all starts when I buy the myth that this--stuff, accouterments, creeds, achievements--is all there is to my identity. And when I succumb to any glittering image, I fall short of my best self.
We live in a world bombarded by messages that who we are now, is NOT enough. At a church where I was lecturing, a woman asked me, "What are you going to talk about?"
"Chocolate and God and the dance of life," I told her.
"But you're not Catholic," she pointed out.
"I feel guilty sometimes, does that count?" I said.
She scrunched her eyebrows. And continued, "I mean how can you talk about these things if you are not part of the Church?"
I almost told her that I would convert if she bought enough copies of my book (The Power of Pause), but the irony may have been lost. So instead I said, "Okay, I'll make you a deal. Listen to me first. You can try to convert me later, while we're eating chocolate."
It's easy to allow this hunger for acceptance to seep into our psyche. And if such expectations or labels are not enough, we carry some shame that we should try harder. We feel undeserving, or under a microscope, or inadequate. Just like the pressure-cooker Pearson experienced.
So.
Stop.
Literally.
Just stop.
I know that Pearson's change did not come from just "trying harder." True change only happens when we switch the focus from what is on the outside, to what is on the inside.
Richard Rohr reminds us, "Don't push the river." Which is another way of saying, don't get ahead of your soul.
The goal isn't to get somewhere.
The goal isn't about forcing something to happen.
The goal is to be in harmony with the gifts that are already given.
The goal is to fall into your life. To fall into this life.
When we feed the inner life (that part of ourselves that yearns to be connected with something larger than our own ego), there is new freedom to inquire, doubt, question, connect, forgive, risk, receive, revel, celebrate and live completely unafraid. And eat chocolate with people who are wonderfully different.
I don't want to pretend that it is easy. (For all our whining about wearing the ill-fitted suit of public opinion, the perks aren't too bad or we wouldn't play along.)
Have you read Graham Greene's The Power and the Glory? I recommend it. Greene portrays a whiskey priest, who has come to see the light because his own life had become so dark (just like Pearson). To give up our "respectable" image may feel like (or actually be) a fall from grace. But in the end, we embrace the day from an authentic self. The very self that has been there all along.
I've spent the day in Southern California. Not that you would know. It's been raining all day. And apparently, it doesn't rain in Southern California. Except when someone visits from Seattle. I'm doing a retreat here about pausing. I've made new friends, and enjoyed wine with old friends, and look forward to talking--lectures this week--about the permission to be at home in our own skin. Perhaps I should listen to my own lectures?
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
e.e. cummings
Stay connected:
terryhershey.com
terry's schedule
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Poems and Prayers
Who cares what I might be for real
Underneath my games
I'll let you chose from a thousand faces
And a thousand names
I'm not necessarily
The girl you think you see
Whoever you want is exactly who
I'm more than willing to be
Carly Simon
What I fear most is despair
for the world and us: forever less
of beauty, silence, open air,
gratitude, unbidden happiness,
affection, unegotistical desire.
Wendell Berry
O God, we are one with you. You have made us one with you. You have taught us that if we are open to one another, you dwell in us. Help us to preserve this openness and to fight for it with all our hearts. Help us to realize that there can be no understanding where there is mutual rejection.
O God, in accepting one another wholeheartedly, fully, completely, we accept you, and we thank you, and we adore you, and we love you with our whole being, because our being is your being, our spirit is rooted in your spirit.
Fill us then with love, and let us be bound together with love as we go our diverse ways, united in this one spirit which makes you present in the world, and which makes you witness to the ultimate reality that is love. Love has overcome. Love is victorious.
Thomas Merton
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Be Inspired
Patty Griffin -- I don't ever give up
Patty Griffin -- Forgiveness
Final dance in the movie Strictly Ballroom
Favorites from Last Week:
The only response is gratefulness - Brother David Steindl-Rast
When it don't come easy - Patty Griffin
Sarah Mclachlan -- Answer
The Prayer -- Shy Boy and his Friend Shock the Audience on Britain's Got Talent
Celtic Women -- The Prayer, with lyrics
Sarah Mclachlan -- In the arms of an angel
Beauty in You -- Karen Drucker
The Parable of the Stone Cutter -- Terry Hershey
Pete Seeger -- Forever Young
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Notes from Terry
(1) Sabbath Moment is only possible because of the generous gifts of readers. For those who have donated... THANK YOU. If you wish to be a part of making this gift possible... I appreciate your gift.
Sabbath Moment is available to everyone--with the invitation that people forward it, and share it with those around them. Please forward Sabbath Moment... if you work at an organization--please consider forwarding Sabbath Moment to every member of your staff or team.
(2) Enjoy a stroll in my summer garden...
(3) Share Sabbath Moment -- Here are the recent issues. Please forward the link, or cut and paste. For archived issues, go to ARCHIVE.
November 26. 2012 -- Okapi
November 19. 2012 -- Old Rabbit
November 12. 2012 -- Going Home
(4) Every day... there are PAUSE reminders every day on Facebook.
Please hit the LIKE button... it doesn't hurt and it helps the cause. And... pass the word.
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