Newman Tools Inc Newsletter
Holiday Edition 2011
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Newman Tools would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Holiday season!!

We would also like to thank anyone who has sent us a joke that was included in our newsletters, or in the "humour" section of our website http://newmantools.com/humour.
We are in the process of up-dating our humour page.

We all need a little laughter in our lives!

We would love to hear from you.

If your joke is published in our newsletter we will gladly send you a special gift.


We hope you enjoy these holiday jokes:
 

 

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.  

 

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE! AND AN XBOX ! AND I PRAY FOR A COMPUTER." 


His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

 

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One Christmas Eve, three men died and approached the Pearly Gates. St. Peter met them and told them to go away and come back the next day, as he was way too busy with Christmas Eve to attend to them right then.  

 

They pleaded that they had no place to go and for St. Peter to let them in. St. Peter said, "OK, if you each can come up with something related to Christmas I'll let you in."


The first man takes out his car keys, and shakes them. St. Peter asks what that had to do with Christmas. The man said that it represented the Bells of Christmas. St Peter lets him in.
The second man takes out his keys, but he has one of those little lights on his chain, and turns it on. St. Peter asks what that had to do with Christmas. The man said that it represented the Star of
Bethlehem. St Peter lets him in.


The third man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of woman's panties, and St Peter asks him what that was all about. The man says:  "They're Carols".

 

 

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As in many homes on New Year's Day, Donald and his wife had the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, Donald ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation, before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.  

 

Several minutes later, his wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for him. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Donald told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing. "See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."

 

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Mrs. Smith was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Mr. Smith, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'  
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered her husband smiling broadly.


At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Mr. Smith approached his wife and handed her a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.


 

 

 

We are always looking for new jokes. If you have any great ones please email me them at:  barbara@newmantools.com


 
Thanks for reading our email.

Sincerely,
 

Barbara Wagner
barbara@newmantools.com

We specialize in odd-ball tools.
If there is something you need and cannot find contact "the big boss" and he can try to help  solve your problem.