Hello Jack,

I've always been most attracted to Gold women, but I can't live with them very long. Let's face it - they are wonderful in a thousand ways. Generally they take good care of themselves and me. They dress well and surround themselves with clean, neat and pretty spaces. Most Gold women I know have a respectable career and balance their checkbooks. You can depend on them. They do what they say they will do. All the right holidays, anniversaries, and events are celebrated with reverence and heartiness, and their gifts are all well thought out.

The problem is that I myself am less wonderful in most of the areas listed above and Gold girlfriends make sure I know it. Don't get me wrong - I can be as responsible and "obedient" when the occasion truly demands "doing the expected things." But - to me - life cannot always be about perpetual conformance and obedience. There are times to enjoy being sloppy, lazy, mellow, wildly creative, mind-changing, and risk-taking. I can't stand too much routine and I'm bored easily.

My first three Colors are fairly close: Orange, Green, and Blue. But I'm afraid I possess hardly any Gold strengths at all. I don't want to give up finding the "Gold Standard Girlfriend," so help me out, Jack.

Rick James

Rick,

Ask yourself if you seek Gold women for any of the following reasons:

·         For strengths you don't have.

·         For their groundedness and stability.

·         They conform to a long-dreamt image of your ideal mate.

·         You want a permanent, committed relationship.

If you said yes to most, then do not give up on your Gold "standards." Just know that Golds will not give up their logistical joys of planning, honoring traditions, and generally doing the right thing almost all the time.

An intelligent Gold person will indeed compromise where possible. Believe me, however, they will not budge much if you continually "surprise" them with unpredictable behavior. You yourself must make a few behavioral changes to get buy-in to your life preferences.

For example, if you want to show up at home for dinner with two buddies from work - at the last minute - then you can expect trouble. However, if last-minute invitations are important to you, then you must work with your mate to help her be comfortable with it. Have you had a conversation about the importance of it? What needs to happen for everyone's happiness? Do you call her cellphone the minute you've invited your friends? Are you picking up take-out for dinner or are you fixing it? Are you being the host rather than giving her that burden? Are you cleaning up afterward? Are you not over-doing these last-minute invitations? If she has issues surrounding guest behavior and length of stay, are you sensitive and respectful of those issues?

Gold mates are golden. Making any relationship work requires daily effort - yes, every single day. Cherish your Gold mate and you will likely be rewarded ten-fold, as they say.

Jack