THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO* A huge 74-foot tall spruce is the new Christmas tree at NBC's Rockefeller Center. And in typical NBC fashion, the tree will be decorated, lit up for a few weeks, and then canceled.
* A new poll shows 45 percent of Republicans believe that Mitt Romney will be the nominee, and that rises to 46 percent if you count Rick Perry, who also believes Mitt Romney will be the nominee.
* A guy named Reggie Love leaving the White House to get a degree at the Wharton School of Business. I guess he realized you can't learn anything about economics in the Obama White House.
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CONAN* Ron Paul's campaign is upset because during last week's Republican presidential debate, he only got to speak for 89 seconds. Meanwhile, Rick Perry's campaign is upset because during last week's debate, he got to speak.
* Over the weekend in New York, two Occupy Wall Street protesters got married at the protest. They are registered at Bed, Bath, and Seriously, You Need to Take a Bath.
* Starbucks announced plans to open a line of juice bars. They would have done this years ago but it took them a while to figure out how to burn orange juice.
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LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN* Silvio Berlusconi is stepping down as prime minister of Italy. He's being replaced by Billy Crystal.
* If we have to sit through any more of these Republican debates, I'm ready for a dictatorship.
* As if Cain's troubles couldn't get worse, today, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie accused Herman Cain of skimping on the pepperoni.
* Eddie Murphy, who was supposed to be the host of the Academy Awards, has dropped out. Boy, I wish I had thought of that when I hosted.
* When Eddie Murphy decided against hosting, they were stunned. They were shocked. I mean, you couldn't tell by looking at them because of the Botox, but they were stunned and shocked.
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TOP TEN WAYS THE WORLD WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF EVERYONE WERE NAMED NEWT 10. Goodbye eggs Benedict; hello Eggs Newt
9. Beatles broke up because "Newt" couldn't get along with "Newt"
8. Trump would be known as "The Newt"
7. Still have a tattoo of your ex-girlfriend's name? No problem!
6. Santa now says, "On Newt, on Newt, on Newt and Newt, on Newt, on Newt, on Newt and Newt"
5. The mother on "How I Met Your Mother": Newt
4. When you tell your iPhone to call Newt, it says, "Be more specific, Newt"
3. On "Jeopardy," people just keep buzzing in and saying, "Who is Newt?"
2. When you just say, "Newt" with no last name, people know you're referring to Newt Winfrey
1. You know who ain't gonna be President? Newt Perry
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THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON* The Italian prime minister announced he is stepping down. He's looking forward to spending more time with his wife and five hookers.
* Mitt Romney said this week if he's elected, he won't let Iran get nuclear weapons. Other Republicans were quick to respond. Newt Gingrich said it would be impossible to enforce. Ron Paul said it's none of our business. And Rick Perry said, " . . . "
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LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON* Today's date is 11/11/11! Or as Joe Biden calls that, "A great email password!"
* Today is 11/11/11! A date so simple, even Rick Perry can remember it.
* Yesterday, a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters interrupted Michele Bachmann's speech in South Carolina. In response, Bachmann's supporters were like, "Man, if we existed, we'd be so angry right now!"
* On "Jeopardy" this week, Alex Trebek dressed up in a woman's opera costumes to give clues. Yeah, contestants were like, "I'll take 'This Is Making Me Uncomfortable' for 500, Alex."
* There was another Republican debate on Saturday, and listen to this: Ron Paul only got 89 seconds to speak. Seriously? Rick Perry gets more time than that to try to remember something.
* Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman accused his Republican opponents of coming up with easy sound bites just to get applause. In response, Mitt Romney was like, "That is ridiculous. Clap if you like bacon!"
* I heard about a new insulin device for diabetics that could test tears instead of blood. That'll be weird when you're like, "Hey, I need to test my blood sugar. Can you put on 'Marley and Me?'"
* A man in Illinois was arrested for calling the cops five times because his iPhone wasn't working. Yup, someone was arrested for calling someone five times in one day. Do you hear that, Mom?
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