Heading 6.30.09

January 2011
                                    bridges 2 understanding
 

Greetings!
 

With all the listening and supporting our children I talk about, do you ever wonder where your needs fit in? If you feel taken advantage of or unappreciated, it's time to stop and re-evaluate your actions.
 

Let's talk about setting boundaries versus limits. We set limits on our children and
boundaries around ourselves. By setting a boundary, you are telling others what you will and will not do. You are not trying to make someone else do something. This is a very important distinction.
 

Boundaries are:

  • Positive
  • Proactive
  • Mutually respectful
     

Boundaries:

  • Eliminate the need for put-downs, power struggles or sarcasm.
     
  • Take care of yourself in regard to the other person. 

An example of a boundary statement. 
 Instead of: "I'm very angry that you didn't clean up. You are so messy."

Try: "I'll make dinner if the kitchen is cleaned up by 5:30." (Then follow through. You may need to make yourself a sandwich for one night.)

Setting boundaries makes you feel better because you are respecting yourself. This models boundary setting for your children. Your family will start to reduce martyrdom and attempts at controlling each other. Telling children that you are not comfortable doing X but will do Y goes a long way toward building trust and cooperation in a family.  


 

Contact me for the complete article on Boundary Setting.
 


 

Happy Parenting!

Cynthia
 

Please share this newsletter with other parents, schools or businesses so I can help other families build bridges of understanding.
 


 


Go to my website to learn about my parenting philosophy.
Jen and me graduation
On her own

My Success Story

 The Benefits of Boundaries



 

 


 

I am experiencing the beautiful result of setting my personal boundaries while raising my daughter. I stayed tuned in to my inner voice. Was she asking me to do something that wasn't considering my needs? It was important for me to not expect her to think of me. She was a child who didn't have the empathetic pathways developed yet in her brain. Also, I wanted her to think of her needs and express them. I was able to state clearly if I couldn't do what she wanted, such as, "I'm not able to drive you to the mall right now. Let's find another time." She persisted and I persisted as well without getting upset. I discarded the belief that children are not to be adversarial with parents. We developed respectful communication. Now she can say to me, "Mom, I don't want you to ask me about that. I'll bring it up when I want to talk about it." My response is, "OK." She sets her boundaries and I respect them. She is learning how to set boundaries within other relationships as well. I feel respect and admiration for her. Our children remember best what they experience.
 


 

Each parent has different concerns which means that each parent needs different solutions. When I work individually, either in person or by phone, I first carefully listen to your concerns. I find out what has worked in the past and what is not working now. I make suggestions and you decide what to try.
 

 


 

Upcoming Classes for
Winter / Spring 2011

Visit my website for details


The Special Mother-Daughter Relationship    For moms of girls 10 - 15
 

Dates:  3 Thurs., January 20, 27, February 3

Located in my San Mateo office. Space only for 6 moms.
 
 Contact me directly to register!
 
 Free introductory classes

What is "Relationship Parenting" and How Can My Family Benefit?

 

3 free introductory dates to choose from:

 

Dates:  Saturday, February 26, 9:30 - 11:30am                Thursday, April 14, 11am - 1pm

              Tuesday, June 28, 6:30 - 8:30

 

My Kids are Making Me So Mad!
 A 1 1/5 hour talk in Palo Alto
 
Date:    Tuesday, February 8

 

Mothers and Daughters: The Roller Coaster Years For parents of 10 - 13 year olds

A 1 1/5 hour talk in Palo Alto     
 


 

Date:    Thursday, February 24

 

 

Discipline and the Strong-Willed Child

At Kaiser Permanente in Redwood City

 

Dates:  4 Tuesdays, March 1, 8, 15, 22

 

Raising Independent Thinkers

In my San Mateo office.
 

 Dates:  3 Tuesdays, April 12, 19, 26


 

 

 
In This Issue
Class Schedule
Services
Inspiration
Kid's View
Wisdom
My November Newsletter


Cynthia is
Building World Peace in the Home through:

Private Coaching Sessions in person, by phone or Skype to answer your specific questions.

Parenting Classes to learn skills and gain support from parents.
.
Speaking at your organization on a variety of topics.

Inspirational  Words
 Back of card logo

"A parent and child share a mystic life-to-life connection. There are certain struggles one must overcome to become an effective parent. No parent is a great parent from the beginning. It is through physical and heart-to-heart interaction with a child that a parent's love is nurtured. That's why we do not need to be impatient. Take your time and warmly interact with your child. It is unnecessary to compare yourself with people around you."


Daisaku Ikeda
President of the SGI World Wide Organization
World Renowned Author and Poet
 
Kid's View
 
Listening
We have to tell you that we like to have our way. That's all we can think about. We can't think about what you want because our brain isn't made to do that at a young age. Please don't expect us to act like an adult. We know that even adults don't always think about what others want. Because my brain is made to push for what WE WANT, please DON'T GIVE IN when it doesn't seem right. We need to learn how to think about other people's needs and feelings. Please don't get mad at us. That doesn't help.  Don't call us selfish or ungrateful. That doesn't help either. Just show us how to be and we'll learn from your actions. Remember that we love you and need you.
Love,
Your children


Words of Wisdom
 
Young girl cooking
Cooking is fun

This month I want to share a friend's website that will give you great inspiration with food and your family.  The website is Love With Food.
 


 

A Family that Cooks Together, Sticks Together

 

Food feeds the human soul beyond the primary need of providing nutrition. Food heals, food comforts, food binds, food educates, food defines our roots and cultures, and food simply makes good times even better.

Plan a Family Cook Night once a week

 

It's a time to bond, teach your kids responsibilities and impart cooking skills. It's a way to show your Love With Food.

 

Here are stories behind the recipes of families who cook together on this site called Love With Food, where families share recipes through storytelling, savoring every treasured and tasty moment.

 

Picky Eaters/ Ritz Cracker Chicken Nuggets - http://lovewithfood.com/stories/3-picky-eaters


Upcoming Speaking Locations
*******************************
 
If you are interested in previewing me as a speaker, I invite you to come and observe. Below are some upcoming locations.

Mountain View Parent Nursery School, Feb. 1

Morrissey-Compton, Feb. 8

Cumberland School,Feb. 15

The Children's Health Council, Feb. 24

Terman Middle School, March 30.

Las Madres, March 31st

 Consider inviting me to speak at your organization or do a lunchtime talk at your work. I do many talks at Stanford for their brown bag lunch talks. Every parent needs support!

Visit my website for a list of topics.