I'm a little later than usual getting this issue of WHOLE to you. But I just needed some time to be still, reflect, and process the rush of energy and emotions erupting in my life right now. It just felt right to take my time and honor what my life needed.

So I closed the laptop, stepped away from the news, curtailed texting, and let the phones ring. Hard as it was, with deadlines looming and past, I gave myself permission to engage in the self-care I needed. And I'm feeling great! Scared, but great!

Earlier this year I began a very public campaign to make some changes in my life. To experiment with a different look, embrace my middle age, celebrate my empty nest, and dare to live a more vibrant, creative, energetic life.

When embarking on the path to changes like these, each step can be exhilarating at first--even fun! Unlock my locs? Cool! Pierce my nose? Ouch! Accept the ravages of gravity on my body? Okay. Whatever!

But invariably as the journey progresses and the easier, more superficial adjustments are made, obstacles to deeper, more fundamental life changes appear. Recently this journey has become harder, sometimes feeling like I'm facing a mountain so high, and quicksand so deep, that I could never survive the excruciating efforts it will take to move forward.

Facing the naked, brutal truth about some unresolved and unexamined issues in our lives is hard. That's why most of us don't deal with them. It's easier to wall off the impacts that past hurts, mistakes, bad breaks, poor choices, abuses (by others and self-inflicted) have had on our lives.

But you know what? It takes a lot of energy to hold back all that stuff. To deny it is there doesn't erase it. And pointing a laser focus on the shortcomings of others can simply blind you to your own weakness. In fact we make ourselves toxic, sad, and stuck when we allow our precious time to be spent on trying not to deal with the hard stuff rather than fight for the fresh, invigorating, self-loving life we all deserve.

So I'm laying myself bare to you this month, feeling raggedy, scared and unsure. But I believe in myself and the good I can bring to all of you if I stay the course. I'm banking on the hope that by daring to show my struggle rather than hide or pretend, I will help others find the strength to keep going, too.

Building trust and a healing community together requires honesty, courage, compassion, and forgiveness--for ourselves and each other. Being real and realistic is the key. This struggle is about embracing all of who your are--even the not so put together part. That is what it means to be WHOLE.

Jacci Thompson-Dodd
WeSpeakLoudly