That's Just the Way I Am*
"That's the way I roll." "I've always been that way." "I take after my Aunt." We all have preconceptions of "who we are." We're not even going to consider the bigger questions of "why we're here"-that's a topic for another lifetime. Why do you think you are the way you are? Were you born that way or was it your upbringing? Is your fear of dumping your abusive partner due to your Mom's third husband telling you were worthless after his twelfth beer? Is it the nature versus nurture or the chicken and egg thing? Why is it that some thrive after horrific circumstances and others with seemingly cushy lives perish?
We could spend all day or a lifetime and a boatload of money lying on a couch with your favorite MD or MSW or MPH or drugs or alcohol or both trying to diagnose ourselves. But how helpful is it to analyze how we got this way? Listening to Jack Kornfield (1) with KQED's Michael Krasney, I was struck by something Mr. Kornfield said when pressed by Mr. Krasney to explain amazing people, like Nelson Mandela, versus bad seeds, like Timothy McVeigh.
"I'm not interested in the philosophical questions ..... about good and bad," he says. He gives a metaphor of the poisoned arrow from this Buddhist teaching: you're shot with an arrow, wounded, and you refuse to remove the arrow until you figure out who did it, why they did you, what religion they were, etc. "You'll die if when you keep asking those questions. Let's take the arrow out and see how you want to live," Mr. Kornfield relates.
It's helpful to realize that regardless why we think we are the way we are, we have options. We can take the arrow out, or not. The way we respond to stimulus (Heh, did that guy just flip me off?) is wired in our brains either through classic or behavioral conditioning. Neurons that fire together wire together. But researchers have found that the brain and nervous system can actually change, yes, change, through something called neuroplasticity.(2) It can happen on a cellular level and remapping (think stroke patients being able to regain mobility through the rewiring of motor neurons). Numerous studies have suggested that meditation, whether short- or long-term, creates a change in the brain-that gray matter-resulting in different levels in brain regions such as attention, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, and the ability of the body to heal itself. These changes may be caused by changes in the physical structure of the brain. This is good news.
So, the next time you feel stuck and bogged down by the past and the unfairness of the cards you've been dealt, grab the arrow and pull it out. Ah, that's got to feel better.
(1) Jack Kornfield with Michael Krasney, September 1, 2011, KQED Forum broadcast, www.kqed.org and , navigate to Forum.
(2) Like this topic? Check out Mirka Kraftsow's upcoming seminar with psychiatrist, Marilyn Granger, at Westside Yoga Studio in Sebastopol.
*This article was recycled from a year ago with some editing and updating.
Want to read some of my previous articles? You can do it here. Enjoy.
