That's Just the Way I Am         

 "That's the way I roll."  "I've always been that way."  "I take after my Aunt."  We all have preconceptions of "who we are."  We're not even going to consider the bigger questions of "why we're here"-that's a topic for another lifetime.  Why do you think you are the way you are?  Were you born that way or was it your upbringing?  Is your fear of dumping your abusive partner due to your Mom's third husband telling you were worthless after his twelfth beer?  Is it the nature versus nurture or the chicken and egg thing?   Why is it that some thrive after horrific circumstances and others with seemingly cushy lives perish? 

We could spend all day or a lifetime and a boatload of money lying on a couch with your favorite MD or MSW or MPH or drugs or alcohol or both trying to diagnose ourselves.  But how helpful is it to analyze how we got this way?  Listening to Jack Kornfield (1) with Michael Krasney this week I was struck by something Mr. Kornfield said when pressed by Mr. Krasney to explain amazing people, like Nelson Mandela,versus bad seeds, like Timothy McVeigh.

"I'm not interested in the philosophical questions ..... about good and bad," he says.  He gives a metaphor of the poisoned arrow from the Buddhist teachings.  You're shot with an arrow, wounded, and you don't want the arrow removed until you figure out who did it, why they did you, what religion they were, etc.  "You'll die if when you keep asking those questions.  Let's take the arrow out and see how you want to live," Mr. Kornfield relates. 

It's helpful to realize that regardless why we think we are the way we are, we have options.  We can take the arrow out, or not.  The way we respond to stimulus (Heh, did that guy just flip me off?) is wired in our brains either through classic or behavioral conditioning.  Neurons that fire together wire together.  But researchers have found that the brain and nervous system can actually change, yes, change, through something called neuroplasticity.  It can happen on a cellular level and remapping (think stroke patients being able to regain mobility through the rewiring of motor neurons).  Numerous studies have suggested that meditation, whether short- or long-term, creates achange in the brain-that gray matter-resulting in different levels in brain regions  such as attention, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, and the ability of the body to heal itself.  These changes may be caused by changes in the physical structure of the brain.  This is good news.

So, the next time you feel stuck and bogged down by the past and the unfairness of the cards you've been dealt, grab the arrow and pull it out.  Ah, that's got to feel better.  

(1) Jack Kornfield with Michael Krasney, September 1, KQED Forum broadcast, www.kqed.org, navigate to Forum.  

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I love the response of students to their first or second or hundredth restorative yoga experience.  It's the moment when their nervous system shifts from "yikes!" to "ahhhhhh."  They leave with relaxed shoulders and brightened attitude.  

It's easy to forget that the body knows exactly what to do.  The relaxation response is a built in function of our amazing central nervous system.  We just have to let relaxation happen.  I know, it seems impossible sometimes. Thus, the popularity of restorative yoga where we learn to put the body in positions and let it do it's thing.     

In this workshop you will be allowed to relax and let go while your body is supported with bolsters and blankets and lots more.  We will do a bit of movement, chat about stress and the relaxation response and then spend 90 minutes in positions that we will hold for 15 to 20 minutes.  This practice is for everyone.  

So, come and join us at BodyWorks in Petaluma on the third Sunday of each month from 3:30 - 5:45.  Go ahead and put the dates on your calendar now so you won't forget.  And, while you're at it, invite a friend.  The next one is Sunday, September 18  I hope you'll come. Want more info, go here.

What's a class card you ask?  Many of my students have found it most economical and convenient to purchase a 10 or 5 class pass with me ($100 and $55, respectively).  That's $10 a class.  Can't beat that.  Expiration date:  never (well, almost).

Get Your Dharma Here

I subscribe to Tricycle's Daily Dharma.  I know, I know, the last thing you need is more in your inbox.  But, I find these little daily missives helpful.  You can subscribe to them here   You could spend hours that you don't have just exploring their website. Here's one I thought you'd enjoy.

August 29, 2011  

Tricycle Daily Dharma

Radical Acceptance

We struggle in life because of a tenacious habit of wanting life to be different from what it is: The room you are in is too warm, you don't like your job, or your partner isn't quite the person of your dreams. You adjust the thermostat, get a new job, or tell your partner what you need. Now it's too cool, you are earning less money, or your partner has found some flaws in you. The more we try to make life conform to our desires, the more we struggle, and the more we suffer. The only way out of this vicious cycle is to accept what arises, completely: in other words, do nothing.

Paradoxically, such radical acceptance opens a way of living that we could hardly have imagined.

-Ken McLeod, "Something from Nothing"