"Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  This may be helpful for kids on the playground to counter bullying but, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.  Bones heal;  words live on.....and on.  When you hear an angry parent tell a teen they're worthless, clumsy, stupid and will never amount to anything, those words will stick with them for the rest of their lives.  I mean forever.  That little voice will always be there at whatever age, chipping away at their confidence and raising their blood pressure.  For some, the only way silence the voice is the sixth beer.   All of this brought on by words.  Just words.

So how important is what comes out of your mouth?  Pretty damn important.  Most of the time, those random mental ramblings form words that slip past the editing department and out the boca.  Yikes! did I really say that?  And, once they're out, like Boehner's tears, there's no taking them back.  Go ahead, back pedal all you want, but there is no rewind on life. 

Many spiritual biggies have all commented on how we speak.  The bible says a lying tongue is an abomination to the Lord.  In Buddha's list of lists, Right Speech, is one of his Noble Eight Fold Paths. "Satya" is Patanjali's aphorism on truthfulness and honesty.  My favorite is Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements that lists speech as its first tenent: "Be impeccable with your words - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."   When I really strive to take Mr. Ruiz's suggestions to heart, I realize that so much of what comes out of my mouth is mindless, irrelevant, chatter.    

I recently attended a workshop with Judith Lasater based on her book, What We Say Matters.  Judith is a student of Marshall Rosenberg, developer of the communication process called Nonviolent Communication (NVC).  The four component of NVC are  1. Observation, 2. Feelings, 3. Needs, and 4. Request.  To NVC-speak, first honestly observe the situation and see what feelings come up for you.  Next identify what needs are not being met and lastly, ask for a resolution.  Here's a non-NVC statement:  "Your room is a nightmare and it's driving me crazy.  There are probably rats living under that stack of clothes.  Clean your room up now or else!"  The NVC folks would reword it like this:  "When I see dirty clothes and empty pizza boxes on your bedroom floor (actual observation), I feel irritated (honest feeling), because my need for order and cleanliness in the house is not met (stating your need).  Would you be willing to take the next 10 minutes to hang up your clothes and put the trash in the garbage (asking specifically what you want)?"  Ms. Lasater admits that the first few times you speak like this people look at you like you're from Mars.  But, it's a practice and a process and it will become more natural sounding over time (I hope).  Anyway, it's worth trying.