Cheryl Thomas, RYT
www.cherylthomas.com
yoga@cherylthomas.com
415-308-3377
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 Support or Control
Sounds like a pantyhose choice. Remember when we wore control top pantyhose that held in our belly. Support hose was only for old
ladies and nurses, right? But this
isn't about women's stockings, is it?
Have you noticed that you get pulled into situations that
are, frankly, none of your business?
Or, you wiggle yourself into the affairs of others thinking that you can
"help." It all seems a bit innocent.
But whether your help is solicited or not, your interference takes the
opportunity away from the "victim" to handle their own affairs or solve their own
problems. Are you being controlling or
supporting. This is where it's helpful
to distinguish between the two. Support
means helping others deal with their decision versus trying to actively control
their decisions.
Here's an example. You've got two friends--Sally and Janet. Janet's boyfriend is extra-flirtatious with Sally and Janet thinks
there's hanky panky. Janet asks you to
intervene and find out what's up. Sally's pissed that Janet would infer anything untoward is going
on. You want to help your friends, but
jeez, it's messy. It becomes lots of
back/forth/back/forth and who said what to whom when. But, it's titillating and empowering to get involved and help
patch up a mess between two good friends. But should you? Can you
distinguish between being controlling a situation and being supportive? By getting caught in the middle, either
voluntarily or not, you are removing the opportunity from Janet and Sally to
deal with the situation on their own-find their own way around it, or not. Support, yes. Setting boundaries, yes. Being delicate, definitely.
Control
versus support is also very tricky for parents. The line gets blurry as you strive to balance controlling
behavior and supporting growth.
Helicopter parents tend to monitor their kids every move. This over-control has been linked to low
self-esteem, anxiety, obesity and depression in children. But, fortunately, a backlash is
underfoot.(1) Stanford University researcher and
author Deborah Stipek in her book Motivating Minds - Raising Children to
Love Learning says "The main parental mistake is trying to control too much
from the outside . . . Oddly, and in some counter-intuitive way, it's probably
the worst thing to do." What helps
is expressions of support like reminding children you're on their side and
you're in it together. Stipek suggests parents improve their relationships with their kids and giving them a sense
of autonomy. In other words, offer support
and guidance without feeling the need to control.
Can you be controlling and supportive? Must it be one or the other? I think there's a gray area there
somewhere. But, hopefully when
situations arise where you're tempted to assert some elbow grease, you'll take
a moment (breathe) and consider whether kind words of support will do.
(1) Carl Honore's Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children
from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting and Tom Hodgkinson's new book The Idle
Parent. Have a laugh and check out Mr. Hodgkinson's
website http://idler.co.uk/idleparent.
Want to read some of my past emails? Just click here and you'll be taken to my newsletter archive page. Enjoy and as always, please let me know your thoughts!
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Week of May 23, 2010
Tuesday
9:00 - 10:30 ***Donation***
Yoga on Center, Healdsburg
All Levels
6:30 -8:00 p.m. (Private)
UCSF Restorative Yoga for Metabolic Syndrome
San Francisco
Wednesday
5:30 - 6:55 p.m.
Yoga Studio Ganesha, Sebastopol
Vinyasa Flow + Restorative - All Levels
Thursday
8:30 - 9:30 a.m.
Graton Community Center
Gentle Yoga - All Levels
6:30 - 9:30 p.m. (Private)
UCSF Restorative Yoga for Metabolic Syndrome
San Francisco
Week of May 30, 2010
Tuesday
Noon - 1:00 p.m.
Yoga on Center, Healdsburg
All Levels Slow FLow
6:30 -8:00 p.m. (Private)
UCSF Restorative Yoga for Metabolic Syndrome
San Francisco
Wednesday
5:30 - 6:55 p.m.
Yoga Studio Ganesha, Sebastopol
Vinyasa Flow + Restorative - All Levels
Thursday
8:30 - 9:30 a.m.
Graton Community Center
Gentle Yoga - All Levels
6:30 - 9:30 p.m. (Private)
UCSF Restorative Yoga for Metabolic Syndrome
San Francisco
STUDIO WEBSITES
Yoga on Center: www.yogaoncenter.com
Yoga Studio Ganesha: www.yogastudioganesha.com
Westside Yoga Studio: http://www.westsideyogastudio.net
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Hope to see you soon!
Namaste,
Cheryl
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Bulletin Board
Thanks for your Interest! Many of you have asked to read some of the articles from past newsletters and I **finally** figured out how to link them to this newsletter and to my webpage. You can also find the link here. Enjoy!
Pay What you Can
Tuesday's donation class at Yoga on Center continues through May at 9:00 a.m. Join us at a price that works for YOU. This will be an all level, easy to moderate flow class. And, there's the yummiest sticky buns at the Downtown Bakery!
So many of you helped out with egg cartons. Let's keep it up. Better to reuse than recycle, right? .
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