April/May 2010                                                                                           Copyright 2010.  All Rights Reserved.     
 
 Vantage
Point
 
 Professional advice 
  & practical solutions 
for families of
 every kind
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
Defending Our Youth Against Today's Digital Dangers
___________ 
"Sexting."       "Cyber bullying." "Technology-related suicides."     It seems that, everyday, the media is telling us more and more about the potential dangers digital-based communication carries for teens.  And, we are discovering that, unlike their adult counterparts, teens are especially susceptible to the negative influences of today's cyber world.  For example, research now shows that the pre-frontal cortex of teens (the part of the brain that controls judgment, insight, and emotions) is not fully developed until they are in their 20s.  As a result, teens cannot fully analyze and rationally think through situations as criticallly as do adults.  This increases the likelihood that teens will make impulsive decisions such as sending nude photographs of themselves to others or sending aggressive messages to other teens over the internet--all without fully considering the potential consequences of their actions.
     In response to this burgeoning cultural crisis of our youth, we have decided to dedicate two issues of Vantage Point to the pressing issues of internet safety for teens and cyber bullying.  In this issue, guest writer and child therapist, Kane Phelps, will discuss healthy internet use for parents, and provide guidelines for writing a contract families can use to mitigate the dangers of internet use by teens.  Next month, I will review new research on cyber bullying and answer the mounting question:  "What can parents do to protect kids and teens from cyber bullying." As always, we have also prepared a body of contemporary resources for parents and professionals who want to learn more about our helping our community of children and adolescents. 
     I'm certain you will find this issue helpful in making the cyber world a safer place for teens.  So, read on...
 
Tony Madril, L.C.S.W., B.C.D.
Newsletter Editor       
  
In This Issue
"Teens and the Internet"
Cyber Safety Resources for Parents & Professionals
Newsletter Archive
Special Focus:  Our reader surveys
February 2010: Special Focus:  Issues related to lesbian, gay and transgender youth
Special Focus:  Children and adolescents with special learning needs 
Special Focus:  Managing challenging behaviors in children and adolescents  
About Tony
To learn more about Tony,
 visit his website at:
Questions for Tony?
Email him at:
Share this Issue!
Forward to a Friend
___________________
Free E-Newsletter!
Get professional articles, practical tips, helpful ideas and other family-related resources delivered to your e-mail in-box each month. 
Join Our Mailing List!
Teens and the Internet
By Kane Phelps, M.F.T. 
 

Ninety-three percent of children ages 12 through 18 access the Internet. We all know that the Internet is a very useful tool for information gathering, for social networking, and entertainment. The real challenge confronting parents of teens is the ability to exert control over a world that, by its very nature, thrives on breaking down boundaries and on anonymity. Furthermore, given that teens are, by their developmental stage, impulsive and risk takers, the prospect of problematic behaviors is very high. Horror stories abound of net bullying, sexual abuse, porn and online gaming addiction. "Friending" no longer requires face-to-face communication. "Sexting" is new to our vocabulary.

 

The two overarching principles in considering healthy Internet use are:

 

1) Use of the Internet is a privilege, and

2) Clear communication.

 

Healthy Internet use: Like the issues of safe sex and use of drugs and alcohol, parents need to have very clear communication regarding their expectations. Co-creating a healthy Internet use contract can be very useful. Just as each family needs basic household rules (respect, homework, chores, and curfew), computer and Internet use require a whole subset of rules. Any discussion of rules needs to take into account the age and maturity level of the child and should cover the following areas:

 

1. Healthy Internet use

2. When and where the Internet can be accessed

3. Family privacy/sharing of personal information online

4. Sharing user names and passwords (Parents must have access to all user names and  
    passwords).

5. Friending/meeting others online and offline (a common rule is no online "friending"  
    without prior face-to-face meeting).

6. Respectful communication. Online behavior, because of anonymity and lack of rules,
    is rife with disrespect.

7. Blocking and monitoring: Teens need to know that you are watching. Naturally, or
    older and more mature teens, oversight might be reduced. Software recommended for 
    blocking is Net Nanny, for oversight, SuperWinSpy.

8. Unacceptable online behaviors: While these may seem to be obvious, a good
    discussion with your teen can be eye opening.

9. Consequences: This is a most critical component of any contract. Very important is the
    notion of tailoring the consequence to the violation and not going overboard on
    minimal violations.

 

The contract should be signed by all family members and posted in a conspicuous location (refrigerator door perhaps). Any discussion of rules must also include legal issues. Clearly "sexting", "bullying", and downloading of illegal material are important topics.

 

While the above discussion is designed for kids, parents need to be reminded that they are setting the example of technology use. The other day I observed a father tossing a football with his teenage son. The play kept being interrupted by dad's cell phone calls. His son complained, "Dad, you're always on your cell. Can't you just turn it off and spend some time with me?" The dad told his son that he had important business to take care of. How do you think that teen felt about the use/abuse of technology?

 

Obviously the old saw, "It's not what you say, it's what you do" is in play here. Parents set the table for their children's future by their own example of technology use.

 
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kane Phelps is a licensed marraige and family therapist with over 20 years of experience working with children, adolescents and their families.  He directs an on-going workshop/support group for parents of adolescents in Pacific Palisades, CA.  You can learn more about him on the World Wide Web at http://www.palisadestherapy.com
Cyber Safety Resources for Parents & Professionals
This section contains links to online resources for parents on children's cyber safety.  The resources are those of the members of the California Coalition on Children's Online Safety and some other organizations with appropriate expertise. 
 
Computer and Internet Safety Basics:
  •  The California Office of Privacy has information sheets on protecting your child's privacy online and protecting your computer.  Be sure to see the Office's Online Safety Tips for Parents.
  • IKeepSafe.org offers information on internet filtering and monitoring tools, including a step-by-step tutorial on how to download and install free monitoring software.
 
Family Rules and Policies:
  • The Family Online Safety Institute offers tools including the Parents' Child Protection Guide for the Internet, a Children's Bill of Rights for the internet that can be downloaded as a poster to display next to a child's computer, and a Family Internet Safety Contract.  You can also sign-up for their free online newsletter.
 
  • NetSmartz provides on- and offline learning activities for parents to facilitate discussions with their children and teens about Internet safety.
 Internet Acronyms Parents Need to Know:
 
  • Urbandictionary.com is a website that includes complete definitions of contemporary urban slang; it also decodes common acronyms used to communicate over text messages.
Psychotherapy & Educational Advocacy Offices of Tony Madril
"We specialize in helping children, adolescents and their families"  
Call now for a no-cost telephone consultation
 
(323) 315-2598
We are open evenings and Saturdays