December 2009 Vol 1, Issue 1
Vantage Point 
  
professional advice and practical solutions for families of every kind
 
 
 
Greetings!
 
Welcome to the first issue of Vantage Point, a newsletter for families seeking practical answers to tough questions about parenting, family relationships and behavioral health.  For example, this month's featured article, Getting a Grip on Out-of-Control Behaviors:  A Parent's Guide to Maintaining Winning Influence Over Children was written and included here to equip parents with the tools needed to begin the process of creating positive behavioral change within the family.  Each month, I will bring you other articles, resources, tips and tools, written by myself and others, to give you an added vantage in growing happy and healthy families.  I hope you will find this newsletter as interesting as it is helpful.  Please feel free to forward it to others using the link at the bottom of this page.  Enjoy!
 
Feature Article:  Getting a Grip on Out-of-Control Behaviors:  A Parent's Guide to Maintaining Winning Influence Over Children
 
"All too often children are operating outside the realm of parental control; they are doing and saying what they please despite the best efforts of their parents.  This is common complaint shared by many families seeking the help of a mental health professional.  Parents with unruly children often feel overwhelmed and ineffective.  Simply put, they are out of things to try, and need practical answers to some tough parenting questions. If this is you, let me offer you a few helpful suggestions." To read the rest of this article as a printable PDF document, Click Here.
In This Issue
Managing Challenging Behaviors in Children & Adolescents
Weighing the Importance of Getting a Quick and Accurate Psychiatric Diagnosis for Your Child
Fun Ideas for "Family Night"
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Weighing the Importance of Getting a Quick and Accurate Psychiatric Diagnosis for Your Child
by Tony Madril, M.S.W., B.C.D. 

 
     I have been approached many times by parents who have been anxious about "getting the right diagnosis" for their child. Their worry seems to stem from the fear of getting the "wrong treatment" for their child or that their child may not "get better" without a quick and accurate diagnosis of their child's psychological issues. These are usually parents who have been battling with their child's mental illness for a number of years and whose children exhibit a myriad of psychiatric symptoms that do not fit nicely into the criteria for one specific mental disorder. While there is considerable foundation for their concern, having an exact diagnosis, at least at the beginning stages of treatment, is generally not the most important part of the work to be done. 
     On the one hand, having a readily available and accurate diagnosis can help to relieve the family's anxiety about what it is their child is facing. A clear diagnosis can be extremely helpful in aiding the therapist and parent in obtaining specialized services for the child, such as special education, speech or occupational therapy. It can also help certain children qualify for admission to various publicly funded mental health and child welfare programs unavailable to most. 
      On the other hand, having a quick and accurate diagnosis will neither reduce the child's troublesome symptoms, nor create the environment necessary for the therapeutic interventions to begin taking hold. Only the careful and steady development of the therapeutic rapport and a thorough assessment of child's mental health symptoms can accomplish these most critical clinical tasks. 
      A strong therapeutic alliance can provide a child with the sense of psychological safety necessary to for him or her to begin disclosing much-feared topics, such as past experiences of physical or sexual abuse. It becomes the primary protective element as it begins to buffer the child from the full force of painful emotions that inevitably arise throughout the process of facing one's problems. In fact, careful research in the field of mental health has indicated that it is the quality of the relationship between the therapist and client, not the particular interventions employed, which holds the greatest potential to create positive, progressive change in the life of the individual receiving therapy. 
      Similarly, a careful examination of the child's psychiatric symptoms by the therapist can become a good measure of how quickly and to what extent the child's symptoms will improve. A proficient psychiatric evaluation can provide some very important answers to questions such as: What triggers the onset of the child's symptoms? How do these symptoms function for the child? Do they distress the child-or are they somehow advantageous to him or her? How do others respond to the child symptoms? Do they act to reinforce or extinguish these symptoms? What else in the child's environment influences the nature and function of the child's symptoms? Equipped with suitable answers to these questions, the therapist can then proceed to develop the most effective treatment plan for the child, which, when implemented, will begin to alleviate the child's symptoms in the quickest time possible.
      Although getting a timely and accurate diagnosis for your child is an important part of any prudent treatment process, it falls second to the initial tasks of allowing the therapist to conduct a sound evaluation of the child's mental health symptoms and allowing him the time to establish a genuine relationship with him or her. Clarification of the psychiatric diagnosis can always happen later, by way of further evaluation by the therapist or through a referral for formal psychological testing. It may help to remember that a psychiatric diagnosis is ultimately a guide to the treatment process as well as a tool to obtain resources on behalf of the child.
 

Fun Ideas for "Family Night"
 
 
Family Night Ideas 
Looking for some new and interesting family night ideas?  Then be sure to read through our list of ideas here as well as our family time ideas on our blog.
 
Make Dinner Time Fun
Make family nights special by starting off with a great meal.  Add some fun to your family meals by playing family dinner games.  Games add fun to the family dinner, open up family conversation, breakup the monotony of family dinner, and encourage children to eat their vegetables and drink their milk!

Family Game Night
Games are a great way to bring the family together as well as teach children how to be good winners and losers.  Why not try to set aside one night a week or month as family game night.   
 
Create a Family Cookbook
Create a family cookbook by asking family members to send you copies of their favorite recipes.  After the family cookbooks have been completed, you can give them as gifts on birthdays, Mother's Day, or at Christmas or Hanukkah. 
 
Make a Family Mailbox
Kids love getting mail and as long as the mail isn't bills, parents love mail too. Add some zip to your family communications by creating a family mailbox. Great for leaving messages of encouragement, love, and support for fellow family members. 
 
American Idol
Do you have a family that loves to sing and dance?  Then try holding your own American Idol show.  Pick one or two family members to be the judges and let the rest compete to see who is the next American Idol.  To make the show more real, you may want to try using a Karaoke Machine or microphone. 
 
Charades
Acting more your style?  Then try a fun game of Charades.  Simply makeup charade ideas and write on a piece of paper.  Divide the family into teams and act away. 
 
Dinner and a Movie
Love to cook?  Then try spending an evening whipping up one of your favorite meals together and finishing up with dessert and a movie.  Give each family member a job in the meal preparation, so that everyone is included.  Need some suggestions for easy and quick family meals?  Then check out FamilyFun's Cookbook or FamilyFun Recipe Finder.  Also check out gradingthemovies.com, kids-in-mind.com, or Common Sense Media for a quick and easy way to check the appropriateness of a movie for young eyes. 
 
Family Video and Picture Night
Similar to our dinner and movie night, but rather than watch Hollywood movies, why not spend an evening watching old family videos or leafing through family photos.  Kids love to see themselves when they were babies or reminiscing about last year's family vacation.  Also, don't forget your wedding video.  Kids really get a kick out of watching their parents tie the knot. 
 
Hiking, Biking, and Exploring
How about an adventure into the outdoors?  Take advantage of some of the great national parks and hiking trails and spend your day hiking, exploring, and picnicking. 
 
Family Totem Pole
If you enjoy the outdoors, why not try making a family totem pole.  Using items you collect on your next nature or hiking trip in addition to other supplies you might have around the home, create a totem pole that represents the family.  Make sure every family member is represented. 
 
Volunteer Together as a Family
Why not spend your family time helping others in need?  Working together as a family to help others in need can be an incredibly powerful way of building family bonds and developing a great sense of pride and fulfillment in all family members.  Visit our Family Giving section for great ideas on how to give to others in need. 
 
Family Banner
Making a family banner is a fun way for everyone to express themselves and gives the family something to display and look at everyday. 
 
Dinner with Mom and Dad
Finding quality one on one time with each child can be very difficult.  One way of fitting this quality time in is to plan a special breakfast or dinner out with each child either once a week or once a month.  Get a sitter for the other children and just take one child at a time.  This will give each child the opportunity to spend just with you and feel special at the same time. 
 
Surprise Lunch
Why not surprise your child for lunch one day at school?  If your school allows it, join the child for lunch in the cafeteria or better yet pack a quick picnic lunch to share at a nearby park.  Don't tell them ahead of time you are coming.  This makes the lunch all the more special. 
 
Cousins Camp
If you are like many families, cousins often don't live close enough to one another to see each other on a regular basis.  To foster the family ties, and keep cousins close, try organizing a cousins camp where the cousins get together either at one of the aunt/uncle's home or even better at Grandma and Grandad's for a few days of fun. 
 
Family Newsletter
Give your family communication a whole new twist with a Family Newsletter.  They are fun, educational, and more importantly a great way to keep families connected.  
 
Backyard Campouts

Backyard camp outs are a great way to get the camping experience without the hassle of packing.  Pitch your tent in the backyard and roast your marshmallows over the coals of an inexpensive charcoal grill.  You can tell ghost stories, catch lightening bugs in a glass jar, and look for some of the great constellations in the sky. 
 
Breakfast in the Park
Beat the summer heat by having your outdoor fun early in the morning.  Pack a simple breakfast of muffins, yogurt, fruit, and juice boxes/water, invite your closest friends and head to the nearest park.  Let the kids run and play or if you prefer you can use the opportunity to play some great outdoor games. 
 
Breakfast Treat
I'm certainly not a "morning person," but my kids and I have been taking a day or two a week and waking up a little bit earlier to go out for breakfast before school starts.  It doesn't have to be any place special.  We've really just enjoy going to a local bagel shop and getting bagels.  The customers in the shop are usually business people picking up large orders for their offices, or just people getting started on their work day.  They all seem to get a kick out of watching the kids giggling and playing together.  Smiles are plentiful and it really sets a nice tone for the day.

Family Vacation Jar
A family vacation jar (or box) is a decorated jar used to save for the next big adventure. Decorated with pictures and words of places you want to visit or have visited, the jar becomes a daily visual reminder of your dreams.
 

Steve Capp is a father of two and lives in Des Moines Iowa with his two kids and wife, Krista. 
 
This article is courtesy of Families with Purpose, an online website
dedicated to helping busy families find time for the little things in life.
You can find additional resources and information at
www.familieswithpurpose.com.

 
I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading the first issue of Vantage Point.  Look for it next month!  Until then...have safe and happy holidays!
 
Warm regards,