Ah, the holidays. What a wonderful time of year! Everyone is happy, family comes together, there are parties galore ... cheer, goodwill towards others, and excitement are everywhere.
Umm, not always.
For many people, the holidays are a difficult time and are not enjoyed but endured. They struggle to keep a smile on their face amid all the merriment, feeling out of place and sad, perhaps angry, that they find themselves battling the same old issues.
What issues, you may ask? There can be any number of them: dysfunctional family relationships; estranged family members; divorce has made it an "off" year for sharing with kids; anniversary of a death; illness; bad memories of previous experiences; loneliness; depression; financial issues; lack of employment ... and so on.
If you know of someone who struggles with the holidays, I would suggest you take your cues from them. Extend an offer to get together for coffee, or a meal -- perhaps invite that person to join you for a quiet dinner. Let them know you are there, you are a friend, and you support them. If they decline your invitation, the kindest thing you can do is to leave them be. Their reasons are their own, so don't inquire. Do not attempt to make them feel guilty because they are not participating in the "fun". The words "but I don't want you to be by yourself", while kindly meant, may be interpreted as pity. The spirit of the holidays is about giving, and one of the best gifts you may give is personal space.
The last holiday I spent with my personal family was many years ago. I remember standing in front of the fireplace, waiting for my siblings to arrive. My step-mother looked at me, standing so rigidly with my fists clenched, and motioned me upstairs. "Here" she said, handing me a Valium. "This is how I'm getting through this."
I decided then and there that I was not going to put myself through another experience like that again. We spend so much of our lives looking to please others, "sucking it up and taking it" for the good of ... well, you name it. For those of you who struggle with the holidays, I encourage you to think about what would make you comfortable this season.
Your dignity, well-being and self-respect are worth your efforts, and you are entitled to participate in the holidays in your own way ... no matter what anyone may say or expect.
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