Greetings!
First, a valentine to all of you who made year-end gifts to give kids a second chance, keep them in school, and teach conflict resolution skills. Thank you.
In the wake of Tucson and the evolving drama in Egypt and Tunisia, we reflect on challenging conversations in our own lives and share some ideas about how to make them worthwhile.
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| (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding? | |
By Amy Lavelle, Development Associate
The recent tragedy in Tucson, AZ, has brought to the surface some important questions about how we, as a society, communicate with people who have different viewpoints from our own.
I know it's made me think about how I communicate with friends and associates that have different beliefs than I do.
We all have been guilty of it in one form or another - name calling; believing we are right and anyone who disagrees with us is wrong; using violent language or imagery, etc. Our intent may be harmless but the impact is anything but. It doesn't take long to think of a few recent examples...
Read more on our blog.
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Three Tips for Having
Challenging Conversations | |
From the mediation experts at NYCID's Community Dispute Resolution Center
- Focus on interests, not positions - move below positions to the needs and interests underlying them.
Do this by asking why someone has the position they do on a given issue. This can not only help you to better understand their perspective, it can also open the dialogue and help to move the conversation in new and productive directions.
- Don't just listen, actively listen.
If you want someone to listen to you and you feel they are not doing so, a good first step can be to listen to them and demonstrate that you are really hearing them. After they have finished speaking, try saying back to them (in your own words) what you understood them to have said and ask if you got it right. This not only helps to make them feel heard and become more likely to listen to you, it can also help to increase your understanding of their view, creating space for the conversation to become more productive.
- Separate the people from the problem.
Try to think of a challenging conversation as a way to look at a difficult problem together, albeit with different views. Rather than getting angry at the person you disagree with, try to acknowledge that they have a problem too and are simply looking at it from a different perspective. By being hard on the problem and soft on the person, conversations and disagreements can become more manageable and productive.
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| The People Behind the Scenes: Board Vice Chair/Secretary Maryann Lauria |
 | | Maryann Lauria |
What surprised Maryann Lauria when she made the transition from a career in financial services to the not-for-profit sector was that, as different as they are, the nonprofit sector is still a business. Success still depends on solid financial management, good organizational skills and productivity. And, Maryann says that the New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NYSPCC), where she is director of development, practices those skills better than any of the for-profit firms where she was employed.
Maryann Lauria joined NYCID's board three years ago for two reasons. First, she and her husband, Nick Popolo, believe in giving back to their community. That's Eltingville, Staten Island, ever since...
To read the rest, visit our blog.
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| Fairly Legal? | |
Recently, USA Network premiered a new original show, "Fairly Legal," that features a mediator as the main character. The show has been a hot topic of conversation in the Alternative Dispute Resolution world, garnering both praise for highlighting the field and criticism for being too flashy.
We tend to take the "any press is good press" view of it. It's a good way to shed some light on the powerful work our volunteer mediators and staff do here every day.
Have you watched it? We'd love to know what you think, and are happy to answer any questions you may have about mediation and alternative dispute resolution. We'll post answers to your questions in our next issue, along with feedback from our staff and volunteer mediators. Post your opinion here on our blog.
TAKE THE QUIZ: You can also take the show's quiz (click on the image below). Let us know whether you think the quiz accurately measures your aptitude for mediation. We'd really like to hear from our volunteer mediators on this one.
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February 2011 Headlines
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NYCID's Benefit Committee is getting organized for our annual benefit and auction in June, and we'd love to have you volunteer with us.
This is our major fundraiser and we can use volunteers to help solicit auction items, journal ads, organize the event and a myriad of other details.
For more information, to donate an item or to volunteer, contact Amy Lavelle, Development Associate at (718) 947-4121.
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Learn Divorce Mediation Skills
Our next 40-Hour Divorce Mediation Training is scheduled for Feb. 28 + March 1, 2, 3, 4. More details here.
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Did you go to the Rap Center on New Dorp Lane?
Okay, so you're not that old! How about your folks? We're celebrating our 40th Anniversary this year, and are looking for people to tell us their stories about their experiences with NYCID (or YPIS). Contact Dominick Brancato at 718-947-4020 or Amy Lavelle at 718-947-4121.
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Looking for a Job? We're Hiring!
Community Dispute Resolution Center
Associate Mediation Manager (pdf)
(Staten Island near the Ferry)
Olympus Academy Program Director (pdf) Advocate Counselor (pdf)
(Canarsie, Brooklyn) After-School Enrichment Programs Part-time Program Associates (pdf)
(various schools on Staten Island)
Supervised Visitation Part-time Supervised Visitation Observer (pdf)
Saturdays ONLY! (Staten Island by the Ferry) |
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Thank you for helping
to change lives
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| ON MY MIND
Dom's Wanderings
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I recently discovered that my 90-year-old father is one of the Americans who believe that President Obama is not a citizen.
During our family's traditional New Year's Day dinner, he continued to expound on a series of absurd opinions. My sister, 84-year-old uncle, and I tried to reason with him while my brother-in-law allied himself with my father.
You'll note from my use of "absurd" that I have to remind myself that in my family the need for civil discourse begins at the dinner table.
Perhaps this happens at your dinner table, too. With love and humor, we argued our way into the New Year and moved on to more benign topics.
The U.S. has a long history of families and parties divided by passionate political views - Vietnam, the Civil War, the Revolutionary War, prohibition, women's right to vote, civil rights, and all the left, right, and tea party issues that divide us today.
Listening to interviews of Egyptians in Tahrir Square has changed my perspective on the calls for ratcheting down the rhetoric that followed the shootings in Tucson. One demonstrator said, "All we want in Egypt is what you have in the U.S., democracy and the freedom to speak out about what we think."
I've concluded that it's not the metaphors and imagery that are causing the heightened tension in this country. It's the missing commitment to talk things out that is fundamental to a democracy - the lack of respect for the oppositions' right to their opinion and the lack of listening with the intent of understanding the opposition's point of view.
Does listening and understanding change minds? Sometimes. Perhaps not often. But it makes violence less likely and democracy stronger.
This month we've included two resources I hope you'll find helpful for improving personal civil discourse. Our dispute resolution staff offers three tips on challenging conversations and we've linked to a TED Talk that offers an idea worth pursuing. (If you aren't familiar with TED Talks, I think you'll find them an awesome resource.)
Listening and seeking understanding, not necessarily agreement, is central to our mission of strengthening relationships and building community. Your ongoing support of this mission is our best valentine! Thank you all.
Dominick J. Brancato
P.S. Speaking of respect and listening, they're certainly fundamental to mediation, too. So, what's your take on "Fairly Legal," the new TV show about a lawyer turned mediator? I've got some thoughts that I'll share on our blog, where I hope you'll post your comments, too.
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Your donations
keep kids in school
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Calendar
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Networking Fundraiser
Thursday, Feb. 3 6 - 10 p.m.
Divorce Mediation Training - Monday, Feb. 28
- Tuesday, March 1
- Wednesday, March 2
- Thursday, March 3
- Friday, March 4
More details here.
Parent A.C.T. Classes A 6-hour class designed to educate separating or divorcing parents about the impact of their breakup on their children, and teach them ways to protect their children from the negative effects of ongoing parental conflict.
Pre-registration is required.
Saturday, February 5
10 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
[SNOW DAY] February 12
Wednesdays, March 2
and March 9
10 a.m. - 1 p.m.
[SNOW DAY] Saturday, March 12
10 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Call our Parent ACT-Line
for more information:
(718) 947-4048 |
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