"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life" ~ Sophia Loren ~
Do you ever do this? You say something before you realize how it sounds. It comes out of your mouth and it's too late?
You can apologize but the damage has been done. You could take it back, but then, not really. You can pretend like you didn't say it, but then again, not really.
So, what do you do? You make a mistake and it cost others money. You say something wrong and it costs you a relationship.
What do you do when your behavior in whatever form, or error in whatever judgment or haste in whatever action, costs you something dear?
This week, I got to observe what a pro does.
It came in the form of a conversation with someone I loved. We were friends, business associates and colleagues. We had history together.
And yet mistakes had been made. Repeatedly.
And this time, they weren't all mine.
But what was different and profound about this exchange is that there was no attempt to "right" our conversations or "rewind" our trajectory, but instead, to simply sit in the misunderstanding of it all, the lost opportunity it may have caused, the change in relationship it warranted and be kind to one another.
I watched a woman with grace and humility admit to faults without throwing herself away or blaming the relationship; without trying to justify, defend or run or make anyone wrong.
I watched a woman admit her mistakes and do it with dignity, humility, presence and acceptance.
And I got to practice forgiveness and grace myself, not just toward her, but toward myself for the same errors in judgment I have made in relationships.
And over this conversation where truths were told and mistakes understood, I really got something, profound:
Life is not always about getting it right. The objective is not always a perfect outcome or a perfect union. Sometimes, it's simply about learning how to show up. For all of it.
The thing about this conversation is that it was honest and painful, while also being compassionate and moving.
It was messy, but it was REAL.
And even though mistakes were made that weren't going to be undone, it still resulted in a deep connection and respect for one another for participating.
In that, there was space.
In other words, I really got that life is participatory. We get to experience all of it - the highs and the lows - the wins and the losses - the certainties and the mistakes.
We get to celebrate and we get to forgive.
In all of it there is an opportunity to embrace our humanity.
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