Thought For The Week July 20, 2009

"Listen (don't argue) to feedback from others! Although taking hard feedback may be difficult, we need to pay attention - particularly when it comes from multiple sources." - Maureen Moriarity

When we receive negative feedback the natural response is to try to defend ourselves. I know that often when I am criticized the first thing that I do is try to explain my actions or words. However, that is not the most effective way to deal with feedback because thinking about how to defend yourself keeps you occupied so you really do not hear and understand what the other person is saying.

In receiving feedback, the best thing to do is listen to what is being said and thank the person for their impute. That keeps the lines of communication open. Several years ago somebody asked me to critique their clown ministry skit. I said I thought the symbolism that they used was confusing, and they started to explain why they had chosen those symbols. When I said I did not understand that from watching the performance, they repeated what they had just said in their defense. I quickly realized that they were not open to my views. So, I ended my comments, even though I had some additional suggestions for them that might have improved their routine for future performances. I have learned that sometimes when a person asks for a critique they really want reassurance that they had done well instead of wanting my opinion of their act.

Realizing that not all feedback is valid helps to avoid defensiveness. Often the feedback you get will be contradictory. After Carole and I performed a skit together the feedback that we received ranged from "it was great seeing two people having so much fun on stage" to "you were having too much fun for the roles you were playing."

After one of my performances at a magic conference the feedback I received ranged from "change your music it is terrible" to "your music is great! Where can I get it to use in my act?"

I would not say any of those people were wrong in their feedback because they were expressing their opinion which from their standpoint was true. However, their opinion was not necessarily valid for my performances.

Sometimes people have their own motives for providing feedback. I know of one time when all the female instructors at a program received negative comments on evaluation forms from a woman who was jealous that she had not been hired as an instructor. Sometimes they flatter somebody that they think can give them something they want.

If you listen to everything they say when they give you feedback, you may learn the reason for their opinion which will help you evaluate it. A woman questioned the appropriateness of some of the music that I had used in a show. As she talked I discovered that she thought it sounded like New Age music. She knew that I was a member of the Fellowship of Christian Magicians and was concerned my music choice meant I was leaving my Christian faith to follow a different philosophy. I reassured her that I was not changing my philosophy, but was using music composed by a Christian specifically to accompany variety arts performances. I thanked her for her concern, but continued to use that music. I have not had anybody else tell me they associated that music with a specific philosophy.

If you get the same type of feedback from several different people, than give that opinion more credibility. There is some reason they have the same opinion. Also, you can assume that if you are a getting consistent opinion from people who make comments that others who have not said anything feel the same way.

How can you avoid becoming defensive when you receive feedback? How can you determine the person's credibility and the validity of their opinion?