Former crowd favorite Tony the Clown is slipping in the ratings  and looks like losing his opportunity to be Chief of the Circus.

He was proudly strutting his stuff when a couple of dastardly former chums - Merky and Sarko - threw a couple bananas his way. Oops - poor Tony fell on his bum (how the crowd laughed!) and then all the sneaky little dwarfs joined in throwing custard pies and jumping up and down in front of the cameras hoping to get noticed. Such fun!

Grumpy Merky and her buddy Shorty Sarko have decided they don't like Flash Tony anymore.

They say its because he used to be cute and loveable but now he's too showy (never a good idea in a circus) and  that he used to spend too much time with his rich pal Bushy -  firing their cannons at little people. But we all know they're just jealous of Tony's height and his fame on the international show-circuit.

With Tony scraping egg off his face, all of the little wannabe clowns, with names you can't quite remember, are running around hoping that its their turn to be famous and run the Circus.

No doubt one of them will be chosen - Nobby No-Name perhaps. The  audience are on the edge of their seats with excitement (or do they just want to leave? Ed).

But you can't keep a good fool down and  plucky little Tony is still smiling (some people think that might be painted on). At the end of the day even if the circus picks one of its C-list contenders, Tony can still pride himself on his status as an internationally  recognised clown and content himself with the £ millions  he earns every year performing to children on the Word Stage.

And there is always the dark horse, Big Ears Mili, an old mate of Tone's who could yet pip them all to the post.

Britain's main political parties and the Lib-Dems have held their Party Conferences and presented their policies to a grateful electorate.

Voters' Guide
As a service to our readers the Grey Town Gazette has trawled through the details of each the parties' proposals and we have put together the following handy Voters' Guide. Please feel free to cut it out and use it as your definitive reference at the next General Election:

Labour
Increase Taxes
Cut Public Services
Increase MP's Pay
Blame it on the Bankers

Tories
Increase Taxes
Cut Public Services
Increase MP's Pay
Blame it on Labour

Lib-Dems
Who cares?

Background for younger readers: Party Political Conferences are a  quaint legacy of the days when Britain used to govern itself. They were an opportunity for political parties to present their philosophies and policies to the British electorate so that in due course the voters could choose the government they wanted to run the country.

But since Britain became more and more involved in the 'European Ideal' this old-fashioned concept of democracy has become less relevant. Today we have moved on, and Britain is ruled under the traditional European system of an unelected political elite.

Today the annual Party Conferences are basically a substitute platform for wannabe X-factor competitors who can't sing or dance.

As further evidence of the froth in equity markets, the Roman Catholic Church has launched a dawn raid on their long-term market rivals the Anglican Church. The all-soul offer is  priced aggressively at 1.2 Catholic souls per Anglican, a full 25% premium over the close-of-business market price Monday.

Although the Vatican hyped their move as purely an ecumenical matter, market analysts are unimpressed and have dismissed it at a desperate attempt to halt declining market share at a time when both churches are under increasing pressure from aggressive Asia-based competitors who have younger work forces and lower cost-bases, not weighed down by costly infrastructure or employee retirement plans.

Both groups got a reasonable rating in the recent Government League Table of Religions (GTG May) but the Vatican clearly has its aim set at the top spot.

In what might be seen as a cynical appeal to the  self-interest to individual members of the Anglican management team, the Vatican has sweetened its offer by including job guarantees to all.

A Marriage Made in Heaven?
Superficially there are some attractions to merging the two organizations. They were originally part of the same multinational group (The Anglican Church was created in 1534 when Henry VIII privatized the UK subsidiary of the RCC in an early experiment  with Keynesian style demand-side economics). They have broadly compatible product ranges, and indeed have mutual cross-licences on some highly prized brands and trade-marks. They both have extensive worldwide operations, with not too much overlap and potential for synergy (The RCC is dominant in South America, whilst the Anglicans have extensive interests in emerging markets such as Africa). They even share three key non-executive directors.

But integrating the two organizations would be a challenging task. Not only is there a danger of increasing already unwieldy bureaucracies, but there are big differences in their corporate structures. The RCC is a traditional centrally managed corporation, with an authoritarian Chief Executive, wheres the Anglican Church functions as a loosely coupled conglomerate with nobody in overall charge.

The Anglicans have a somewhat more progressive approach to Human Resources than the RCC which, weighed down by history, is still a little way off becoming a truly  equal opportunities employer - although unlike the Anglicans it can at least boast to having once a had a female CEO (Pope Joan c.850AD), though it should be noted her  contract was terminated rather abruptly at an unusually rowdy shareholder's meeting where she was given a rather brutal 'Severance Package'.

Most analysts are sitting on the fence, recommending  stakeholders hold their position for a better offer, perhaps a 'White Knight' bid from a friendly group such as the Baptists. Rumors are also rife that other market players - such as the Islamic and Hindu churches - might demand a referral to the Monopolies and Mergers Commission.

At the day's final bell the Anglican Church ended  up 20 points, the RCC down 5 points.