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The Police Sergeant Speaks About The Abduction of the Fat Lady
Omaha, NE - October 8, 2008
A week and a day after first reporting that it was under attack by the Pirates of Penzance, Opera Omaha is unable to predict terms that will resolve the situation, or even to venture a timetable. Kelly Blice, Director of Marketing, acknowledged that "there is a great deal of activity happening behind the scenes, some quite delicate" but that the Pirate King's video, released yesterday, dashed hopes for a quick cessation of hostilities and return of The Fat Lady. [picture]
Despite the tense stalemate, public interest in the production is strong and ticket sales are brisk. "The outpouring of support from the community, from tactical suggestions to ticket sales, has been a great boost to us," stated John Wehrle, Opera Omaha General Director. "I've seen this kind of thing before and it can really eat at people. I am happy to report that the Opera Omaha staff, Board and many supporters are reacting like the stoic and firm Midwesterners we are."
After sending the video, the Pirates actually shut off all communication with Opera Omaha, and so the Company's response is being coordinated entirely by The Sergeant of Police, who recently issued a [video statement] from the investigation headquarters in downtown Omaha.
"We have enormous faith in the singular focus and relentless energy of the Sergeant, "noted Blice. "He is a rock."
"As most of you know, British police prefer to work in subtle, almost imperceptible ways," stated The Sergeant, "and we, by which I mean I, are, by which I mean am, doing just that. We appeal to the Pirate King's nobler instincts instead of matching his brute force with...er, bruter force. Tarantara!"
"With The Sergeant's hearty 'Tarantara" echoing in our ears," Wehrle noted, "we are moving on with business as usual. Tomorrow, we'll be offering a preview of the show (12:00 pm in the University of Nebraska Medical Center's Durham Outpatient Clinic) for a sponsor." There will be no meetings to discuss the Pirates' demand for adequate healthcare. "We stand firm in our decision not to negotiate with the Pirates, an action certainly made simpler when they cut off communication with us."
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