Greetings!
Don't you just love relationships? You have lots of them - clients and customers, colleagues, managers, your spouse and children, community, neighbors... and they're all fantastic. Right? RIGHT?!?
|
Its a more fuss!
Or, its amorphous!
I'm gonna place a smart bet here. My bet is that you live your life in relationships.
| Did I win the bet? I'm thinking that during your waking hours you are involved in a veritable plethora of relationships - with your clients and customers, manager, colleagues and team members, spouse or partner, children, community organizations, your spirituality... The list is endless. Some of them are probably pretty good, perhaps some of them are not.
Each of us is 50% of each relationship - thus we are either part of the success or part of the failure of the relationship. How did we get to where we are in the relationship? It's pretty darned simple - WHERE WE ARE IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS IS THE SUM OF ALL THE MESSAGES WE HAVE LEFT BEHIND - everything we have said, everything we have done - the good, the bad and the ugly. It all adds up.
So, take a minute and think out loud with me. The successful ones - what makes them successful? I predict that they are open, honest, consistent, positive, mutually committed. And what about the ones that are not so successful? The smart bettor predicts they are the opposite of open, honest, consistent, positive, mutually committed.
So, maybe its not so amorphous. Honesty, consistency, mutual commitment - the recipe is pretty doggone simple, not amorphous. In those relationships that are already strong - keep it going, its workin' for ya, baby!
But what about those relationships that are not as strong as you would like? My chinese fortune cookie of last week says that "we judge others by their actions; we judge ourselves by our intentions". Don't you just hate it when your fortune cookie is right?
Well, lets take a look at the parties in the relationship and see which ones we can control. Go ahead, take a minute, think about it, I'm a patient guy ... which party can you control?
And the survey says.... YOU. You can control you. Perhaps you can influence others, but you can't control them. But you can control you. If you've made a decision to be in this relationship you've got exactly three options:
- Do what you can do to make it better
- Suffer in silence and continue to be frustrated, angry, unproductive
- Depart the relationship
I'm all in favor of putting a lot of energy into door #1. What can you do differently that will have a positive influence on a less-than-satisfactory relationship? Think of a client or colleague with whom you'd like an improved relationship. Since you are exactly half of the relationship, you can take your best shot at making it better. Be honest with yourself about your ownership of the problem. What messages (words or actions) have you left behind that were inconsistent, less than honest, not terribly positive? What can you do to change that going forward?
It's easy to look at a difficult relationship and assign all the responsibility for its badness to the other person. Hey, maybe they are, indeed, evil incarnate. If so, refer to option #3, above. But if they are not the Prince(ss) of Darkness, then you still have option #1. (Or #2 - how's that working for you?) The decision is yours.
One possibility - ask for feedback. Feedback is a gift, maybe the best gift you will ever receive. (Und für mein Deutsch-sprachigen Leser und Leserin - das bedeutet, das Geschenk, nicht das Gift. Sie wissen, was ich meine.) That person with whom you have a strained relationship - ask them "what could I do differently that would make our relationship better?" Its that simple. And then, whatever they tell you, do it if its humanly possible and is consistent with your values and morals. As my friend Noah would say, "Be The Hero!" (Hint, hint, buy his book!)
Intentions don't count. Actions do.
Email me or call/txt me 732-535-1768 and lets talk about it. You do have possibilities to improve your relationships - with clients, colleagues, managers... Lets get you on track to really fantastic relationships filled with passion, energy and commitment. Tempus fugit. At the risk of being redundant and repeating myself,
Intentions don't count. Actions do. |
|
At the end of the week, it will be Friday
And in the interest of feedback - giving, not getting - I propose a new action that will end your week on a high note.
Who went out of their way to help you this week?
Reach out with a quick email expressing gratitude to three people that went out of their way to help you this week. This is literally a 10 minute exercise that has powerful results. The recipient will receive a nice message to end the week on and you've strengthened the relationship. And, if you got the cojones I think you got, cc their manager on your email.
Contact me at Larry Hayes Partners and tell me how that went. I'll report back to you in next month's newsletter some success stories.
|
|
| Why should you have a coach?
The CEO of Google says so
| |
"Everybody requires a coach. Every famous athlete, every famous performer has someone who is their coach - someone who can ask 'Is that what you really mean?' and provide them perspective. The thing individuals are not necessarily proficient at is seeing themselves as others see them. A coach really, really helps." - Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google
As a very successful CEO, why would someone like Eric Schmidt claim that he requires a coach and thus, why would you? I see executives every day who make incredible strides forward toward their goals by using a professional coach. Their jobs are inspiring, and I am honored to be their partner to make those strides. But a number of you might still wonder what a coach could do for you personally and why you need to invest in a coach for yourself.
Over the next few newsletters, we'll list the top 10 reasons to have a coach. Our February newsletter included #1 and #2, March was #3 and #4. This month is #5 and #6.
5. Your coach can help you grow by working on your awareness, your thinking and your understanding, as well as your vision for what might be possible.
6. Your coach won't judge you for what you think, say or do. You can be perfectly honest about fears, doubts, concerns and weak moments without repercussion. You can truly escape your emotions, worries and challenges and address all of them with your coach inside a confidential conversation. Your conversations with your coach are private, to be able to tackle any situation - even those you do not feel you are able to talk about with other people.
Next month will be #7 and #8.
|
A notable quote...
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." -Friedrich Nietzsche
|
If you are hearing the music, dance like no one is watching!!!
|
|
Who We AreLarry Hayes Partners, LLC is a Coaching organization, working with private and corporate clients in the areas of Leadership Development and Business Development. We work with leadership teams, high potential talent, and sales people and teams to help them clearly define goals for growth and change, develop action plans, anticipate and work through obstacles, implement actions and measure results. Additionally we are available to do keynote presentations at meetings and conferences, and facilitate offsite meetings. If it is time for you or someone in your organization to work on new goals and change, contact us. Our first session is complimentary. You can see more on our website: Larry Hayes Partners
Sincerely,
Larry Hayes, CPC
Executive Coach and President
Larry Hayes Partners, LLC
 
|
|
|
|
