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My supervisor asked, "So, explain it to me: What are we supposed to do while we sleep?" We were wrestling with a complicated management decision. The options carried serious drawbacks and risks. I had suggested that we "sleep on it."
Bernie is an extrovert. I am an introvert. We are both friendly, we love people, and are by most measures socially adept. Nevertheless, our approach to solving big problems differs in significant ways. He talks it through (when he stops talking, his brain stops working). I think it through (my brain works best in silence). This difference in style is just one of many ways in which introverted and extroverted people differ, misunderstand, and sometimes judge one another.
I recently finished Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. According to author Susan Cain, the US has the most extroverted culture in the world. We collectively value those who think on their feet, decide quickly, prosper on teams in "open-offices," and party hearty until the wee hours. Americans question the competence of those who pause before they speak, deliberate over decisions, want (and close) office doors, and go back to their rooms after a long conference rather than "meeting at 6" for a night on the town.
Cain's book is readable and her research is thoroughly documented. As a result, it has the potential to bridge a gap in understanding and communication between spouses, parents, and children; supervisors, employees, and coworkers. In a predominantly extroverted culture, Cain suggests that extra effort is needed to understand and make room for the introverts in our midst. The following key points can enhance that understanding:
- While extroverts restore depleted energy in social settings, introverts recover alone in quiet environments.
- Introverts are highly sensitive to sensory input. Noisy crowds, fast-paced presentations, bright lights, and urgent deadlines can overwhelm them and trigger fighting, fleeing, or freezing like a deer in the headlights.
- Introversion arises from a combination of heredity and environment. Our individualized response to stress arises in the brain and its chemistry. Some people are, by nature, adrenaline junkies while others are allergic to the substance. Our environment influences the way we work with the biology we inherit. Natural extroverts are encouraged to develop their traits, while natural introverts may suppress their tendencies and develop behaviors that "fit in."
I find it helpful to understand the biological and cultural elements of my experience. That understanding helps me navigate societal expectations without losing track of my own needs.
Are you an more of an introvert or an extrovert? What about your spouse, children, boss? How do you blend your needs with those of others in your life who flourish in a different way?
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