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As those who have been with Reflections for some time know, our Sunday morning habit has been pretty dependable. For three-plus years and more than 150 weekly issues, we have connected to reflect on events and experiences. Then, when my shoulder gave out in late April, I took a break. While we have met a couple of times since then, I am struggling to regain the flow of writing on a regular basis. It still feels awkward.
My writing has much in common with other positive habits in our daily lives. As a coach, I was trained to help clients build new habits that serve them well, and to discard those that lead away from their goals. I also learned that uneven progress is normal. For awhile the new habit is exciting and we are motivated to change. Then something derails our effort and we fall back into unhelpful patterns.
Falling back is called a lapse. I spend the picnic at the dessert table instead of focusing on healthy options. I sleep in, skip a morning workout, then realize at bedtime that I missed it altogether. I snap impatiently at my mother, spouse, or child instead of patiently listening to their concerns. A lapse teaches us lessons about what works and what doesn't work. Each time we reclaim our motivation and refocus on the goal, we get stronger. We are building resilience, one step at a time.
Relapse is a different matter. Lapse turns into relapse when we give up. We decide it is too hard to eat a healthy diet. It is too hard to trade a sedentary lifestyle for an active one. It is too hard to practice kindness instead of yielding to anger or frustration. It is too hard to come up with a fresh idea for Reflections every week.
Each time we give up trying to build a new pattern, we weaken our resolve and tell ourselves that we don't have what it takes to grow.
I am committed to Reflections. I am motivated by the desire for a mindful life in which experiences are teachers and I the eager student. I am also motivated by the joy of sharing, of give-and-take with you and your insights. I want to rebuild this habit, to move through the awkwardness and experience the flow. Thanks for supporting me patiently while I navigate the transition.
In what area of life have your valuable habits lapsed? Which of those is most important to you right now? Resist the temptation to fix them all. Pick one. Reflect on its value, connecting with your deepest reasons for wanting it back. Tell someone what you are doing to increase accountability. Then take that one small step that gets it moving.
Today.
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