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A few months ago, I tossed the question out on Facebook: " Thinking of a tattoo...what do you suggest?" Two friends replied, "The Giving Tree." That phrase was familiar, and sounded like a compliment, but I didn't dig any deeper at the time.
Then, a few weeks ago, another friend proposed that I consider "The Giving Tree" as a metaphor to explore in developing my coaching practice. She reminded me of the picture book by that name, written in 1964 by Shel Silverstein. I went to Amazon en route to another one-click purchase, and found so much more. I was impressed by the split of reader reviews between five stars and one. I discovered that The Giving Tree has generated lively debate en route to becoming an icon.
The story is about a tree whose long-term friendship with a little boy carries him through decades of evolving needs. The tree feels some sadness at his lack of giving back, but does not withhold her gifts or demand a balance of tit for tat. The book ends when the boy cuts down the tree to build a house, and sits reflectively on the stump that remains.
Many reviewers admire the selfless giving embodied in the tree. For them, the story portrays the inspiring reality of maternal love, of divine love, of an unconditional love that gives without counting the cost.
Other readers, however, berate Silverstein for romanticizing such behavior. They blame him for encouraging "enablers" whose generosity keeps others from coming to terms with their own self-absorption. They insist that just such misguided values have long entrapped women in the service of husbands and children who take them for granted. They consider the tree a poor role model at best; a deluded and destructive neurotic at worst.
My encounter with the Tree and her Boy has triggered serious personal reflection. I do want to love. I want to serve. I aspire to a degree of generosity that stretches me to be less self-centered. My spiritual role models have given all; why should't I consider their example the ideal? But the "other side" has a point as well.
I want to spend the next few weeks exploring the subjects of giving, receiving, and nurturing our capacity to serve. I want to look in dark corners for hidden gremlins that taint the purity of our intent. I hope, in the process, to learn more about the interwoven blessings of giving, receiving, asking for, and occasionally withholding a gift.
Do you know The Giving Tree? What thoughts and feelings does she engender in you? How do you interpret her message for your own life?
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