|
How many times have you and I told ourselves that we are going to change? We have recurring themes: lose weight, exercise more, manage stress, get enough sleep, floss, recycle. We hear the messages every day. We know what it takes to lead a healthy and virtuous life. Why, then, do we find it so darned hard to change for the better and change for good?
Behavioral scientists have discovered that (big surprise) it is very difficult to change a long-term habit. Our brains develop patterns of thought which translate into patterns of action. Neuronal circuits are wired to fire automatically after repeated use, and many of our daily actions don't even visit the conscious-choice part of the brain. In other cases, the brain goes through the motions of choice, but the pattern of picking A over B is firmly established: A always wins.
Let's consider some habits of thought and imagine their behavioral outcomes. "I've always been a night person." "I hate cooking after a long work day." "My friends are party animals, I don't want to be a wet blanket." "Life without ice cream isn't worth living." "I can't have just one."
When we recognize the full power of habits, we see why we fall short when trying to change. Yet, in fact, changes occur: we can all count some successes in reviewing our lives. What made some efforts work when most of them have not?
The answer is often found in our reasons for change. In order to work, those reasons must be intensely personal: they can't come from the doctor, a magazine, or our spouse. They must be enduring: they can't come on a whim. They must arise from our deepest values: love, family, friendship, and service. For many people, motivation peaks after a life-threatening experience. They may see clearly for the first time that self-care is indeed an act of love: only if they live can they be there for others.
Without deep and powerful motivation, the desire to change is just another good intention. We learned in childhood that good intentions pave the road to a place called "hell." Hell means different things to different people, but no one wants to go there. Hell makes it worth digging deeper and finding the life-changing, life-saving reasons for making a critical change.
What are the changes most important to you right now? If you have a long list, take a harder look. Whittle it down. Choose one. Maybe two. Three at most. Spend a week or more just exploring your reasons. Talk about it with those who love you.
Find others who have made a similar change. Read an inspiring book. Journal. Check out groups with a similar goal. Learn what motivates others and see what applies to you. Don't make plans or take actions until you know, without a doubt, your answers to the pivotal question:
WHY?
| 
