David's Blog... and the Terror!
I Took a Wander into the Valley of the Shadow of Fear This Morning
Two days before I left on the exhilarating journey of obedience outlined to the right of this column, I awoke in a state of concern.
I watched my mind shoot off down a rabbit-hole of fear, so I decided to follow it and learn about the valley of the shadow of fear that so often stops us from stepping into our destiny by radically obeying the Lord.
Here is what I wrote that morning: 
I'm grappling with fear again today.
Oh, most Christians would not call it "fear." They would say I was being reasonable. They would pat me on the head and say,
"It's normal to be concerned."
"It's good to think it all through."
"It's good to prepare for every contingency."
"It's wise to plan for the best but expect the worst."
They would try to comfort me with denial, with a false comfort, with another layer of the deception of the religious structure.
The structure would have us believe anxiety and worry is the normal state of man. We're easier to mold and manipulate if we're afraid!
They comfort us in our anxiety; they shoe-horn us into a perpetual state of doubt.
"Yep slip it on, it's a comfortable fit!! It looks good on you, does it feel good? Let me see you walk in it," they say. But Lord...I am grappling with FEAR.
When You said go to the Pacific Region, I didn't think it would look like this. The trip is taking a few days longer to get it done ... It's costing a lot more than I expected.
Well Lord, I actually didn't think about it at the time. I just heard Your instructions: "Go, and set my people free," and I was excited! But now, I'm going...
...and there is no ministry opportunity planned.
...no meetings, no workshops
...not even a banner in sight.
This will be the first time in 13 years I'm leaving Australia without banners. It's just empty space...unknowns...LOTS of unknowns.
I just didn't think it would look like this...
BUT I"M THINKING ABOUT IT NOW!
What if...
no one turns up?
we miss each other?
if they don't hear from you?
What if...
I look a fool.
I will FEEL a fool...
It will mean I didn't hear from you.
It will mean I don't hear from you.
It will mean I'm an idiot with an overactive imagination
...and no discernment.
What will others say?
What will they NOT say? And now I've roped Carol into it too!! How awkward it will be, sitting there with her and no one appearing. This was not such a good idea after all...
I'm not going to enjoy it now.
I'll do it, 'cause I paid for the tickets and I have to.
...What a waste!!!
We can't do the rest of the region anyway! We have no time.
And there is so much more I could have done had I stayed home: printed banners, the Boxes book, the retreat and workshop with Claudia, getting ready for Claudia's visit, the trips to Israel.
...And I could have saved the money or used it on so many other things.
What was I THINKING??? It is not a logical thing to be doing this.
How can God use me ever again?
How can He trust me if I even doubt it when He speaks to me?
IF He speaks to me...?
Why would anyone want to support me?
This one trip will prove I'm useless, unreliable, and don't hear from you.
I'll go, but I'll lower my expectations so that I'm not disappointed
...so I don't disappoint the others or You.
I'll feel guilty the whole time so that I can agree with them when they question the wisdom of going.
This sounds like it should be a fun trip!!!
Bring every thought captive...
To Jesus!
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