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What Happens When You Park
Perfectionism

October  2014
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Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. 


 

Dr.  Brene� Brown

 

 

 


I just spent an amazing week at Daring Way™ training and WOW!  There are so many things we covered that I will share with you over time, but I will start with one lesson that I needed to embrace, parking perfection and holding onto impossible standards.  I have a feeling it may resonate with you too.

 

Karen

The Daring Way™ is a highly experiential methodology based on the research of Dr. Bren� Brown.  It was created to help people learn how to show up, be seen, and live brave...to live believing they are worthy.  It is a basic human need but it clashes with culture and other barriers making it hard to do.  We get many messages (from others and ourselves) that get in the way of our living fulfilling lives.  

 

We can be pretty hard on ourselves setting requirements that are impossible to meet creating an endless treadmill of 'never good enough' or 'I will be good enough when.'  We talk ourselves into believing that we are striving for excellence when in fact that thinking diminishes our courage.  It can fill us with insecurity and striving for perfection that does not exist.  Been there...still there at times. 

 

There is a simple but exceptionally powerful concept of writing 'permission slips' that was discussed in Bren�'s book The Gifts of Imperfection that we used in class.  Using sticky notes, we wrote 'permission slips' to ourselves before we did something that required us to show up, be seen and be brave.  It gave us the permission to state what we needed from ourselves to move forward.  Here are a couple examples of permissions slips I wrote during training week:

 

I give myself permission to...

  • Participate in this meeting and be okay with saying I don't know
  • Stop the impulse to compare
  • Park perfectionism and embrace being raggedy
  • Be scared but do it anyway
  • Speak up when I have something to say

 

Not only did the process of 'permission slips' relieve some anxiousness and give me a path forward,  it made me realize how many messages were playing in my head that could stop me from doing courageous and authentic things.  I referenced the slips throughout the day to make sure I honored the commitments.  I loved how I felt at the end of the day, courageously imperfect and free from the unrealistic goal of getting everything just right!  I now keep a stack with me and write notes to myself whenever I need to.  

 

There is so much more to share with you about the Daring Way™ and I will, but in the meantime, you MUST
get a stack of sticky notes and start writing!  What do you need to give yourself permission to do?   Start writing some notes and let yourself off the perfection hook and be kind to yourself.  
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