A Joint Statement on the Ray Rice incident by FSC Executive Director 

Suzann Stewart, TPD Chief Chuck Jordan and FSC Board Chairman Lynn Jones

A 50-year-old survivor of strangulation has visited court multiple times for emergency protective orders against her husband. She has been issued several as the assaults have escalated, but never follows through pursuing a permanent order. The fiancé of a prominent pro athlete is knocked unconscious in a publicly reviewed video, but ultimately marries her abuser. A young Hispanic mom with two kids files for a protective order but returns to her husband, and is subsequently murdered. What do these folks have in common? Abusive relationships and a single question ... why didn't she just leave? 

There is no one who has seen the video of Ray Rice delivering the knock-out punch to his then pregnant fiancé not electrified by the event. It was horrible to watch second hand. Imagine how it felt to be the one to experience it in person.  Picture that and worse happening every day in families around our community. More than 4,000 protective orders were issued in Tulsa County last year. Oklahoma is ranked third in number of women killed by men according to the recently released Violence Policy Center (Washington DC) report for 2012. In the 2013 report released by the Oklahoma Domestic Violence Fatality Review Board, out of 88 victims, women and men of all ages, only five accessed any type of victim services before they were murdered. 

Family violence is a horrendous societal problem that degrades the physical and emotional health of the family and the entire community and affects both for generations to come. As a community, we have to stand together in a non-yielding posture of zero tolerance.

Since 2006, Tulsa's Family Safety Center has provided protection, hope and healing to our most vulnerable citizens by providing many resources under one roof. Of the 2,400 individuals who visited the FSC for services in 2013 or were helped by our High Lethality Rapid Intervention Team, not a single person was murdered. This collaboration of integrated services is only the tip of the iceberg in addressing this issue. 

Tulsa is serious about breaking the cycle of violence that leads children to become adults who batter or remain victims. The dialogue needs to continue with much insight and input from survivors, advocates, law enforcement, the judiciary, our fellow citizens and the philanthropic community in addressing this subject for our future. 

Unlike the NFL we don't have the luxury of waiting to review tapes to make our decisions on the health and safety of our citizens. Domestic violence needs our immediate attention to prevent further victimizations which we know can include death.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, come to the Family Safety Center (600 Civic Center). Let's not wait to see it on social media to determine the extent of "the damage." You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship; you don't have to die before anyone cares.

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If you need immediate help, call DVIS' 24-hour crisis line (918.643.5763) to speak with a trained advocate.

TPD Chief Chuck Jordan chairs the FSC Leadership Council of agency and government chief executives partnering in the Family Safety Center.  Lynn Jones, retired Major, TPD, is the chair of the board of directors of the Family Safety Center. 

 13% of FSC's clients are Spanish speaking only 

and receive translation assistance 

Deisy Rameriz is one of three Spanish translators available at the Family Safety Center. She not only speaks the language but also understands the Hispanic culture and

Deisy Rameriz is one of three FSC Spanish translators and is also Pennie's co-pilot  at the reception desk

family dynamics, which is a huge benefit to clients.

"In most Hispanic families, the women stay home, so they don't have an income or any way of sustaining themselves or their families ... they can't pay their bills, so they are more hesitant to come forward," says Deisy. "Also, Catholicism plays a big role and they believe they are betraying their religion by leaving that person."

Deisy says it is more difficult for Spanish-speaking clients to go to a shelter, due to the language barrier. Some are undocumented, and are afraid of deportation if they come forward. "They are afraid to ask the police for help," says Deisy. "Women seeking help don't get deported, but sometimes the abuser does. Many of those clients will dig through their purse when we ask them for an ID, saying they must have forgotten it." 

FSC serves all victims with or without documentation or picture identification. VAWA provides that all residents, documented or not, have a right to seek and receive assistance without fear of deportation in domestic violence situations, and clients can apply for special U-Visas with FSC referrals.

Originally from Panama, she finds cultural similarities with the people of Mexico.

Xio Raynor is FSC's bilingual administrative assistant and one of the center's three Spanish translators

"I'm able to understand what they're saying even if they're using slangs," says Xio. "The women in that culture are taught to be submissive and tolerate abuse, most priests will tell them to stay and work it out. It takes a lot for them to step out of their home and do something, especially in cases of domestic violence."

"The most rewarding part of my job is empowering people with knowledge. It's so great to see them not bow down to the abuser and successfully stand their ground," said Xio. "They might not speak the language, but after coming to the FSC they know their rights. They walk in, they see the colors and they feel uplifted. When they leave at the end of the day they say 'I feel so much lighter' and 'Wow ... I did this and this whole group of people supported me in this cheerful place."

 "We provide them with all the services and tools, my job is to empower victims with the tools they need so they can stand alone and start the process of rediscovering how to do things by themselves, because most of the time the batterer is the controller. I feel great satisfaction of knowing that he/she left with something they did not have when they got here, which is knowledge, and knowledge is power. But I'm always here for them and they know I'm just a phone call away."