"Should I or do I need to forgive someone who does not care or repent?"
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In Today's Lesson We Explore
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Top of the Day ,
Here are some very important details, truths, and insight about forgiveness, and the differences between accepting an apology, releasing something and letting it go, versus true forgiveness and its significance and how it can only be achieved or truly should or can be given with repent.
Take God and the Bible out of it if you must, this is not the point, I accept all for who they are and what they believe in. I reference a lot of bible passages, and well, this is only partially because I am Christian, but no matter if I was not or you are not religious even matters very little. Here is why. Many atheists even and some of the greatest philosophers and minds in the world study and have used the bible as a great power source for knowledge and wisdom to learn from history, even if they didn't believe in the spiritual presence of God or Jesus. Having said this, please see some of the info below that a junior pastor in my divorce group sent me about forgiveness. I never understood it like this, but always felt this way and couldn't figure out why I felt right.
"Should I or do I need to forgive someone who does not repent? If they keep on doing the same thing over and over, are they truly sorry? Do they deserve forgiveness, is it right to just forgive them instead of just letting it go and dropping it?"
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When confronted about their sins, some people refuse to admit guilt. They ask, "What sin? What do I have to repent of?"
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My pastor wrote to me "Dear Jay", here are some passages, and teachings for you to study and put in your own personal notes regarding your questions about forgiveness. I have linked you to some of the verses.
Malachi 3:7 - When confronted about their sins, some people refuse to admit guilt. They ask, "What sin? What do I have to repent of?"
Before one will change his life, he must decide to change (repent). Before he decides to change, he must recognize that he has been guilty. As long as a person defends his practice and refuses to admit error, he has not repented.
Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness (Luke 17:3,4.)
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The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15, Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who are stiff-necked and refuse to repent. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God's merciful forgiveness. God requires repentance and so must we.
Repentance is important because it's a person's only hope for real change (Matthew 18:3; Acts 26:20). If we don't admit our sin, it's impossible to be transformed. If we aren't keenly aware of the sinful direction our lives are going, we will not see a need to adjust the direction. Repentance demonstrates that we need God to help us change our thinking, attitudes, and behavior. In your case it is an inappropriate relationship you and your wife are both having outside of your marriage, and you both are in the wrong. I know you are willing and she is not, but that is nothing you have control over. It takes both of you and timing will be everything. The longer you wait, the harder and longer the road to repentance is for both of you. Marriage is sacred and should be protected and fought for at any cost.
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How to Deal with Someone Who Will not Repent
An unrepentant person maintains a sense of control over his life through pride, which can lead to destruction, violence, and animosity (Proverbs 8:13; 16:18; 29:23). Turning toward God (repentance) is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If as believers we don't require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person's coming to see his need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.
When only one part of the forgiveness process takes place, the hurt felt by the offended one can lead to hatred, bitterness, and desire for revenge. Because we desperately want relief from the gnawing desire to get even, we can be tempted to let an issue go, or "forgive" without ever confronting the person or waiting for him to show remorse. Jason this is when Shiloh did not come to you and you waited for her to, but you had to confront her and still she showed no remorse or guilt. Two wrongs do not make a right, but I understand where you see yourself being right as responding to a sin against you and your marriage and your family.
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Would I cannot Forgive someone because they are not sorry?
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It's wrong, however, to assume that if we don't forgive someone, we'll be weighed down with hatred, bitterness, and revengeful desires. That's not necessarily true because the Bible says we are to love a person regardless of whether or not he or she shows any remorse. We can love our enemies1, but continue to have an unsettled issue with them. In many cases, it is more loving to withhold forgiveness until a change of heart is demonstrated than it is to offer forgiveness without the offender's acknowledgment of wrongdoing.
 | | Never Be Afraid to Forgive When it is Right |
Yes, an unconditional pardon can be granted without the offender ever knowing they've hurt us. But this one-sided "forgiveness" is not in our best interest, nor in the best interest of the person who hurt us. It devalues the significance of repentance and robs both the offender and us of the opportunity to grow in Christ.
The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse and the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.
The offender can be defined as one who hurts us, is destructive, deceptive, dishonest, and can't be trusted because of his or her lack of remorse. Unconditional forgiveness implies that our response to our enemies should be to offer a pardon with no response on the part of the offender. The Bible teaches, however, that we should respond to our enemies in love (Matthew 5:44). Scripture does not teach that we need to forgive our enemies. Instead, we should love them and pray for them. Love and forgiveness are not synonymous
What Is the Difference Between True Repentance and a Mere Apology?
Genuine repentance always involves a confession of wrongdoing and a willingness to make things right, followed by the action to repent "to push back". An apology often takes the form of an excuse.
Repent is a translation of the Hebrew word "shuwb" which means "to turn back", a similar concept to "change your mind"
The word apology comes from the Greek apologia, which literally means "a speech in defense of." Apologies are often nothing more than self-defense: "I'm sorry if you took offense, but . . ." " I am sorry I did that, wish I did it differently" Genuine repentance is properly expressed in an admission of wrongdoing and a plea for forgiveness: "It was unthoughtful of me to say that. Will you forgive me? I was wrong, and I would like to make things right, what do I need to do to set things straight"
Be wary of using merely apologetic language in place of genuine repentance.
I hope this can help you as it has helped me in my life thus far.
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To a better, happier, healthier you
Yours Truly,
Jay A. bw
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