"The approaching holidays worry me.
How can I feel festive during the holidays
when I am still grieving a loss?"
The holidays can be difficult for those of us who have lost a loved one, particularly if this is the first holiday season without that person. This usually joyous time of year is often accompanied by painful reminders of the person we are missing and apprehension about how we will cope with the festivities all around us.
The key to managing grief during this time is to give yourself permission to be flexible and to try to anticipate changes you may wish to make. We have listed some suggestions below which we hope will help you face the coming season knowing that you are not alone in your ambivalence about the holidays, and that there are coping strategies available.
1) It is important to acknowledge that adjustments will be necessary in the traditions and celebrations of the holiday season.
2) Use a journal to write down your feelings and fears concerning the holidays. Clarifying your thoughts will help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed. View the holiday season as a series of small events, rather than as endless commitments and demands.
3) Plan ahead to participate in some holiday activities to avoid having to make decisions under pressure. If you are not sure about an invitation, be tentative. Explain that some days are better than others and you may attend if you feel up to it.
4) Include quiet time in your schedule so you do not feel overwhelmed during this busy time.
5) Getting into the spirit by decorating can bring warmth into your home. Ask family and friends to help if it all seems too much to do alone.
6) If you are not ready to celebrate this year, that's OK. If you have children, discuss holiday changes with them so they don't feel confused or punished.
7) If you find yourself alone for the holidays, use the time to pamper yourself - do something you've wanted to do and haven't had the time for.
8) If you don't want to be alone, make a plan not to spend the holidays by yourself. Call family and friends and tell them you'd like to spend some time with them.
9) Do for others: Put together a holiday gift package or basket of food for a needy family.
10) Start a new tradition in memory of your loved one.
At
Goundrey & Dewhirst Funeral Home, we have several guides that many have found helpful for coping with grief during the holidays. Similarly, all are welcome to visit our in-house Grief Library to access our wide variety of bereavement materials and resources, or to call us at 603-898-2181 to request a copy of our "Coping with the Holidays" brochure. You can also check our
website for some tips on getting through the holidays.
Remember that there is no right or wrong way to experience grief; nor is there a time limit for our feelings. We all experience loss differently. We hope that the suggestions listed above will help you get through this time of year and to choose the strategies that are right for you.
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