Month
February E-Newsletter
Volume 6                                                      Edition 2
In This Issue
AdoptUsKids
CT Heart Gallery
Suggested Reading
Open House Schedule
Monthy Groups
News and Items of Interest
Star of the Month
Crumpled Paper
When Siblings Become Traumatized
The Importance of Sibling Relationships
Read to Grow
Contact Us
About Annie C

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Waiting Children
Please click on the AdoptUSKids logo to view CT's children and youth waiting to be adopted who are registered with AdoptUSKids.
 AdoptUsKids logo

 

CT Heart Gallery
Please click on logo to view the write-ups and videos of CT's children and youth waiting to be adopted. (These children and youth may be different from the ones listed on the AdoptUSKids site.) 
Heart Gallery Logo

 

Suggested Reading


Books on Foster Care And Adoption

 

Click here to download a PDF file containing an updated comprehensive list of books on foster care and adoption topics, including childrens' books.

Have we forgotten one of your favorite books? Please let us know and we will be happy to add it to the list.

 

Lending Library


 Region 5 Lending Library

Please check out the titles available to families. Included in the list of 60 titles are a number of great books for young children as well as teens. If you would like any information regarding any of these books Amazon carries all of them and publishes synopses on them.
Families are welcome to borrow titles for up to one month.

Details are available by  clicking here.  

 

 

Open House Schedule
Want to learn more about foster/adoptive parenting? 

 

Prospective foster and adoptive parents are welcome at any Open House listed on our website. Please call one of the regional coordinators listed at the bottom of this newsletter or

for more information or to schedule an individual appointment.

 Click here for the most current listing of open houses/ information meetings across the state.

 

 

Our Monthly Support Groups
Foster Care Alumni Meeting
211 Schraffts Dr #A5 
Waterbury  
1st Thursday
6:30-8:30pm

Building Blocks Club 
211 Schraffts Dr #A5 
Waterbury
3rd Thursday, 4-5:30pm

Relative Caregiver Support Group   
211 Schraffts Dr # A5   
3rd Wednesday, 6:30-8:30pm 
No childcare.

Relative Caregiver Support Group 
211 Schraffts Dr # A5 
4th Monday, 10am
No childcare.  

Kindly RSVP to attend our groups.
 
If you would like to be added to reminder emails for groups please email: deb.kelleher@anniec.org using the subject line: GROUP REMINDER 
 
Quick Links

Adoption Assistance Program

 

Adoption Community Network

 

Black Hair Care

 

CAFAP

 

Crayola Stain Tips

 

DCF 

 

Kids.gov

-official kids' portal for the U.S. government

 

NAMI-CT

Help with mental illness resources and support  

Represent Magazine

-national magazine written by youth in foster care

 

Spoonful 

 

Wrightslaw -
CT page for resource relating todisability resources 
February 27, 2015


This month we are focusing on sibling relationships - both the siblings created by birth and the siblings created in the fostering or adoptive home. Check out this Huffington Post piece on sibling research. Click here.The Heather Forbes article (below) can help you begin a conversation with children about the impact of a foster sibling joining the household.

Interested in creating a Lifebook for a child in your care? We have a FREE Lifebooking opportunity for up to 3 families. One of the Waterbury social work interns needs to complete a 3 evening Lifebook workshop as part of her senior project. Evenings scheduled are Fridays, March 13, 20, and 27th at our Waterbury office. First three families to respond will receive a free lifebook for one child and will complete at least 3 pages to begin the lifebook. All materials except photos will be supplied. Parent must attend with child/youth. Please call or email me to sign up. 

Lastly, we are creating an email list for families who would like to receive monthly reminders about the different groups we offer. If you would like to be added to the reminder list please email me. In the subject line write: GROUP REMINDER. Let me know which groups you are interested in and we will add you to the list.

Regards,


  signature revised
Annie C Courtney Foundation, Inc
Waterbury office - 475-235-2184
News and Items of Interest
Calendar
 Click on the calendar at right to see upcoming events. 

Check out all the great information we've been posting on our coalition Facebook page this past month!

 

Star of the Month
Star of the Month  
Each month one of our member agencies feature a "star" whose service to children in foster care deserves special recognition.
 
Stars receive a small gift from the community collaborative and a certificate of appreciation from the nominating agency.  This month, we share a family from our partner, NAFI, Connecticut.

 

On behalf of the NAFI Connecticut, Foster Care Services, I am pleased to nominate Nicole Holmes as the February 2015 "Star of the Month." Nicole is being recognized for demonstrating exceptional service to the NAFI Connecticut, Inc. Multidimensional Treatment Foster Care (MTFC) program since becoming licensed in November of 2009.

Throughout her time with MTFC, Nicole has been very receptive to the evidence-based MTFC model, which requires foster parents to provide a high level of support, supervision, and care for youth in their homes while building upon the unique strengths of the child. Because of Nicole's consistent efforts at upholding the integrity of the MTFC model, she has had the ability to maintain a positive relationship with each of the youth placed in her home.

Nicole is proactive about signing up her youth for pro-social activities. She maintains many ties to the community and is knowledgeable of the many different resources offered for youth in her area. Because of her thorough understanding and compliance with the model, Nicole is an asset to have at weekly foster parent meetings. She is open and willing to offer her knowledge and experience to the other foster parents.

Nicole is also very observant and vigilant when supervising her youth. She is quick to pick up on any potential issues and reports anything she may suspect out of the ordinary. When difficult situations arise, Nicole does a fantastic job at relating to her youth and advocating for them. Nicole shows her thorough understanding of motivating and rewarding her youth by offering her many creative ideas for identifying and incentivizing problem behaviors. She always knows the latest deals on the hottest items and is sure to set up a plan that is realistic for the youth to achieve. In talking with Nicole, it is very apparent that she takes on foster care for all the right reasons! It is with great pleasure that we nominate Nicole as the "Star of the Month" recipient.

  

 

Marisa Mango

MTFC Recruiter Nafi logo

NAFI CT, Inc.


 
Crumpled Paper

       A Connecticut youth uses crumpled paper to help us understand the impact of foster care on children.

Foster Care Film Snapshots: Sixto on Consequences
Foster Care Film Snapshots: Sixto on Consequences

 

 

When Siblings Become Traumatized
From the website of Heather Forbes... 

 

Q: For the past three years, our 16-year-old daughter, Jackie, has had to deal with the complete chaos of her younger adopted sister who was severely traumatized before we adopted her. Jackie was an only child before my husband and I adopted and my world revolved around Jackie. We lived a relatively peaceful, fun, and happy life. All of that drastically changed once her sister entered our family. I realize now that Jackie has been traumatized by the disruption, fear, and struggles our family has endured. What can I do to help my daughter, without dismissing the trauma she has gone through?     

A: You're exactly right when your say Jackie's trauma of living with a severely traumatized younger sister cannot be dismissed. In fact, her experience needs to be maximized and brought to the surface in order for her to find healing. Jackie needs the emotional space to be heard and to be understood.

However, listening to your daughter's challenges can easily evoke feelings of guilt, shame, and perhaps, resentment in you. When this happens, all too often, parents inadvertently stop listening and work to minimize or stop their child's pain, closing off this child's needed opportunity to have a voice.

The first place to start is to realize that you cannot fix Jackie's experiences from the past three years. What is, is. Yet, what you can do is work to understand her experiences (getting into her shoes) and giving her the time, patience, and emotional space to discharge ALL of her feelings.

It takes being willing to commiserate with her and allowing her to express her story, not just at the cognitive level, but at the emotional level. Absorbing her pain means not responding in a defensive or a minimizing manner and not giving her solutions for the moment (that can come later).

A conversation might sound something like this:

    Mom: "Sweetheart, there is something that I haven't recognized about your life. I haven't seen how difficult it has been for you since your sister came home. For the last three years, especially when she came home, I probably ignored you sometimes, I didn't pay the same amount of attention to you, and I wasn't there for you."

    Jackie: "You just care for her more than you do for me!"

    Mom: "Is that what it feels like?"

    Jackie: "Yes! She gets ALL the attention. You sleep with her, you cater to her every need, and you spend all your time with her."

    Mom: "I do. And where does that leave you?"

    Jackie: "With NOTHING! Everything I ever had is gone. I'm MAD. I'm so tired of her. I'm tired of her meltdowns. I want it to go back to the way it was before she was here. I don't want it to be this way."

    Mom: "I hear you, honey. Tell me more. Tell me how hard this has been for you because I've expected you to be the grown up in this. Tell me how that's not fair to you."

    Jackie: "It isn't fair. She embarrasses me. She can't do anything. WE can't do anything and our whole life is centered around everything that SHE ever does. We can't do anything we used to do. Everything is different. I just want it to go back; I just want it to go back to the way it was before."

    Mom: "I know....." (quietly pausing and working to stay present with her daughter)

    Jackie: "I'm angry."

    Mom: "Are you angry at me and dad for doing this? Tell me. I can handle your anger. I want you to give it all out to me. I haven't known how angry you are at me...I'm okay with it. Tell me 'I'm mad at you, mom!'"

    Jackie: "I'm AM mad at you! I'm mad at everything. I hate that you and dad did this to me. Why didn't you love me enough not to mess up my entire life??!!?"


This conversation might need to continue for a while, each time with mom "dancing" with whatever her daughter says in return, allowing her daughter to lead the conversation. Yet, the most important part of such a dialogue is that it happens with emotional intensity, at the heart level.

Allowing Jackie the safety of a parent who is present and working to just listen, will allow her to discharge her anger, pain, and frustration now and not in the heat of a difficult moment when her sister is melting down.

But perhaps you are saying that you've tried this and these types of conversations happen over and over without movement forward.

If this is the case, then you have to dig deeper. Are you stopping your daughter at any level? Are you really able to handle her anger and pain? What feelings inside of you are coming up when she is expressing? Guilt? Fear of the future? Helplessness?

Feeling the depth of your child's pain in these moments, coupled with your own dark feelings that have not been honored or expressed, will shut you down. Your daughter will feel this. Thus, her expression is not being heard and she stays stuck in her healing process. When this is the case, conversations like the one above will keep looping and looping, keeping everyone in a state of victimhood.

You have to allow your pain to be felt, honored, and understood. In order for you to feel your child's pain, you have to feel your own pain first. This can be scary. It may seem that if you feel the depth of pain within you, opening up the floodgates, you won't be able to parent effectively and you won't be able to pull it together.

Ironically, this is exactly what keeps parents from being able to parent the way their children need them to. Parents have to go deep within the caverns of their own hearts. They have to own and acknowledge their own pain.

Parents have to stay in their hearts; that is where their children are living.

Effective parenting ultimately comes from self-love, self-discovery, and self-understanding. Love yourself through your pain in order to get to the depth of your child's pain. Healing resides within this powerful dynamic.

And remember, it isn't always about "fixing" the situation with your child. The "fixing" comes from listening, giving your child a voice, and simply being present.

Press on,
Heather Forbes

 

The Importance of Sibling Relationships
 In Connecticut, keeping siblings together is a priority. When siblings cannot remain together every effort is made to help them maintain relationships with each other. Did you know that siblings who reside within 50 miles of each other are entitled to weekly visitation?


 

Read to Grow
Did You Know? 

 

....How important it is to talk to and read to children ? From birth, if possible! All the research shows that the more words a child hears and the more books she has read, the more fluent she will be and the easier time she will have in school.

Reading from birth builds good habits and attention spans. Snuggling up with your child and reading builds attachment! And reading gives a child vocabulary words not heard elsewhere. (I hardly ever use the word hippopotamus in regular conversation!) Books also enable children to learn about emotions and how other people live; books increase self-knowledge and empathy. Reading is much more effective in building brain connections than screen time; our brains are wired for interaction!

Read to Grow is an organization that was started 15 years ago and is dedicated to giving books to babies and children. Check out their website: Read to Grow 

and learn about early literacy and how you can get free books for your child.
Diane Visconti
Books for Babies Associate
Read to Grow
53 School Ground Rd
Branford, CT 06405
203.488.6800

 
Contact Information for CT's Community Collaboratives

Region 5 Community Collaborative: Deb Kelleher 203.706.0101  Email  
 
Greater New Haven Area Community Collaborative: Laura Rainey   Email  

Hearts, Hands & Homes  (Central/SE CT): Alana Jones 860.710.1593  Email