Vampire Love

Let's face it- you'd have to be living under a rock lately to not have noticed the extreme obsession with all things vampire related. Books, movies, and TV shows everywhere are touting vampires as the ultimate relationship partner. While you might think that this craze is a "teen" phase, it reaches far outside of that demographic group. Adults are consuming vampire literature at astonishing rates- some numbers report sales of paranormal romance as high as 500,000 per novel. We all know of someone who reluctantly admits to reading or watching vampire lore. Why are we attracted to these stories that revolve around being loved by a supernatural, magical being? Let's take a look at what make Vampires  a mouth watering relationship partner:

• Vampires see something unique and special in their chosen mate, waiting forever (literally) to connect with that one true  love. What mere mortals can learn from this:  Pure, limitless, eternal desire cannot be competed with! But, we can certainly make an effort to sustain our relationships by making choices that enhance the partnership, not tear it down. This creates a bond that can be eternal.
• Vampires are mind readers, knowing their mate's  every thought and emotion.  As enticing as it might be to have your partner read your mind before you ask them to take out the trash, most of us can't quite achieve that goal. For you mortals that cannot read minds, here's a new thought- just ask your partner what they are thinking or feeling. We might think that we  can read  our partners minds, but we can't. Most people want to share their emotions with their loved one, so simply asking is a great way to find out without blood being shed.  
• Vampires are frequently portrayed as heroes; having high morals,  behaving in a chivalrous fashion, continually fighting against their own dark side and resisting their natural inclination to  feed off of humans.  Who can resist a hero? When you see someone continually fighting for  a higher, greater good, that is an aphrodisiac in itself.  Having someone fight for YOU is pretty romantic too. And since we all have a dark side, we know how much energy it can take to keep that at bay.  When someone is able to overcome their deficiencies and still have moral fiber, that's a good partner. 

 So, Vampire  lovers may appear romantic and exciting, but we can make our own relationships bloody darn good as well. And you can always dress up as a vampire. 

 Kelly Chicas 2011

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 7 Tips to Fighting Fairly

   

Many of us don't like having conflict with our partners. It can be uncomfortable. However, it's a very normal and even healthy part of a relationship, that is, as long as it's done fairly. Bottom line: it's about respect. You can be really angry and express those feelings in a respectful manner. Below are 7 tips that will help you keep the argument at a healthy level:

1)      Your partner is not your enemy. Without realizing it, when you begin to argue with your partner, you may be seeing them as a foe rather than a friend.

 

2)      Use "I" statements to say what is bothering you. Own your thoughts and feelings. Use a variation of the following phrase: "I felt_____ when you said/did ______."

 

3)      Stick with one point at a time. If you tell your partner about all the things that are bothering you, your partner will feel overwhelmed, become defensive, and attack or shut down.

 

4)      Focus on behaviors, not the person. Avoid attacking the person. Focus on specific things he or she says or does that bother you.

 

5)      Avoid exaggerations. Using words like "never" and "always" are extreme and unrealistic. None of us is "always" or "never" doing this or that. Stick to your take on what has specifically happened.

 

6)      Leave the past in the past. If past mistakes are frequently brought into the present, it makes it very difficult for the relationship to heal. It's like picking a scab over and over until a nasty scar forms.

 

7)      You can always call a truce. When an argument is getting to an atomic level, it's time to call a truce. Usually people who want space will need to provide some reassurance to their partner so that they can walk away.

 

If you follow these 7 tips, you'll find that arguments can be more easily kept at a respectful level. Maybe the outcome of the argument won't be what you wanted (like an immediate resolution), but if you can keep the conflict at a healthy level, you won't be experiencing the shame or guilt of handling the argument in an unhealthy way.

     

 Bryan Norman 2011  

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