The holiday season is here once again and when I think of special holidays, I think of memories. We build tradition from memories and, of course, traditions are important to our yearly celebrations. But, as sweet as memories can be for us, sometimes they also can be difficult, especially around losses and other life changes.

  

Focusing attention on our past history can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the past has created us and deserves to be honored. On the other hand, sometimes an over-focus on past painful situations or even pleasant nostalgia can keep us from enjoying the present. We may look back with regrets or lament the loss of the "good old days" but while we do so, we forget to be aware of the beauty in today. 

  

So, how do we keep the past and the present in balance, even when we long for simpler times or have regrets that are hard to let go of? This month's Tune-Up looks at that very balance and how to address it.

Some of us are nostalgic by nature. We may love to reminisce about how things used to be or identify strongly with a younger version of oursevles. Many of us also keep regularly connected with old friends and we truly relish that sense of shared history. Indeed, this era of social networking has allowed us to reconnect with our past in ways never possible before.

  

Of course, these memories and relationships are very often rich and enjoyable; but what happens when our present day experiences don't cut it compared to our remembrances of how things were before? We may unconsciously disengage from the present and as a result become a bit jaded, stuck, or less invested in what's ahead of us.

  

Another common trap with memory comes when we keep the torch burning bright for past painful experiences, as if remembering them over and over will make them go away. One woman was profoundly sad when her childhood home had to be sold. Subsequently, it was repainted a dramatically different color. For years afterwards, she drove by the house, getting upset each time as she viewed what she saw as the "wrong" color. Her attention was over-focused on a time that had gone by and could never return. When we keep poking at old wounds, we are actually distracting ourselves from creating new memories in the beautiful present.

  

Here are a few ideas for ways to keep the past and present in balance.

• For holidays and other special celebrations, add new traditions to your old ones. Bringing traditions up to date is a way to include everyone, old and young. And, remember, a great thing about being an adult is that we get to decide exactly how we celebrate (or don't!) any particular holiday.
   
• Stay connected to old friends, but always be open to making new ones. Some people mistakenly think that after a certain age, making new friends is unnecessary or not worth the effort. In fact, building new connections throughout our lives keeps us vibrant and growing!
   
• Set aside some time to consider if there are any past painful situations you are ready to gently release. Some ways to start are with journaling, an important conversation with someone close, a simple "letting go" ritual, or in sessions with your coach or therapist.
   
• Focus on gratitude for the gifts of today. When we make a conscious effort to give thanks all that's good in the present, the past stays more in balance as well.

  

Do you celebrate any winter holidays (including New Years)? If you do, try out the following activity, with family or by yourself: 

Take a sheet of paper and divide it into three columns. The first column will be a list of your most enjoyable holiday traditions or activities, ones you'd like to keep intact exactly as they are. The second column will be a list of the traditions or activities that could use a makeover or even to be eliminated all together. Finally, the third column is for new activities and events to include to refresh the season! When you've finished, hold up the paper in front of you. You will see a visual representation of the past and present together in balance and harmony.

  

Once you've completed the challenge, email me and let me know what you're learning. As always, I would love to hear from you.