The reason Lent is so long is that this path to the truth of oneself is long and snagged with thorns, and at the very end one stands alone before the broken body crowned with thorns upon the cross.  All alone - with not one illusion or self-delusion to prop one up.  Yet not alone, for the Spirit of Holiness, who is also the Spirit of Helpfulness, is beside you and me.  Indeed, this Spirit has helped to maneuver you and me down that dark, steep path to this crucial spot.  

 - -Edna Hong

"Know thyself," says the ancient Greek aphorism. I begin Lent knowing that I'm giving up sugary and salty snacks -- candy, chocolate, cake, chips and anything that falsely promises comfort in stress, duress or (let's not kid ourselves) times of joy, too. You might laugh. Ha! Chips? Chocolate? That's it, for Lent? But I know myself in this way: I am chemically addicted to sweets; I am programmatically addicted to salty snacks. This. Will. Be. Difficult.

This year, my 40th, was originally a deadline for my 30s self to be thinner, more balanced...the "me" I want to see in the mirror. Now, past that birthday demarcation, I stand before the mirror still the same size, without having overtaken my demonic addition to food that isn't good for me.

Like never before, I ask for God's help during Lent. I will make strides. This will be the beginning of the changes I want to see in me. It will.

But I've learned something, coincidentally perhaps as a result of this mid-life milestone year (side note: please, God, let me follow in my Grandmother's path in this way to live to a relatively healthy 90 so this isn't midlife!): I know myself pretty well, I actually do have balance (albeit a different definition than some have), and I've started to make choices for me. I've said "no" more -- a big lesson for a girl who loves to say yes to most any challenge or adventure. I've found near perfect balance when I define it by my life and my husband's together, not mine alone.

I just read a great op-ed in the New York Times titled What You Learn In Your 40s. (http://nyti.ms/NBYwK9) The power of validation of shared experiences is potent. (You mean I'm not the only one who struggles with these things?!)

But, in all seriousness, here's what this Lenten passage means to me: This is nothing short of a quest to know thyself through a lifetime, not just a season. There are too many thorns, both self-fashioned and found on the path, to see clearly at times, and to navigate cleanly forward. We need help. We can ask for it. We can pray for it. And we are not alone.