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I once found Gallup, New Mexico, a disturbing place to be.
Gallup, per se, was not the problem. What was once just a stopover with few accommodations is now a bustling town complete with a Starbucks, albeit nestled within a Safeway grocery store. But still. There are places of interest in Gallup.
There's the nearly century-old El Rancho Inn, a rugged hotel, restaurant, and bar built by the brother of film pioneer D.W. Griffith. The El Rancho was the home-away-from-home to dozens of luminaries from Hollywood's Golden Age--including Bogart, Goddard, Hayworth, Hepburn, Reagan, Stewart, Wayne, even the Marx Brothers, and more--when westerns were frequently filmed in the region.
No, I found Gallup, New Mexico, a disturbing place to be because it was neither here, nor there. In fact, it was a long lonesome road from Gallup to anywhere. And whenever I found myself in Gallup, I felt lonely; I felt lost; I felt loosed from my moorings. Almost desperately so.
Gallup, I now understand, was merely a metaphor for a greater personal angst.
I've never, by nature, been comfortable with neither here nor there. Yes, I know the words: life is a journey, not a destination; spiritual formation is a process, not an event; endurance is forged on the plateau, not on the peak. But, I've always found more pleasure in the conception and celebration of a project, an event, a journey, perhaps a relationship, more than I have patience for the tedium of its completion.
But, finally, after a half-century of living, I've learned that most of life and learning happens on the way. In, metaphorically speaking, Gallup, New Mexico.
Is there a metaphor that represents for you the angst that Gallup, New Mexico once represented for me?
Mightn't it be possible that underneath much of your general malaise--including loneliness, despondency, anxiety, and the like--is a reaction to the tedium and fear of a Gallup?
What would it take for you to develop greater patience and peace for the monotony and desperation of a Gallup? How might you employ all of your senses to discover the value of this moment, of this space--and then this one, and this one?
What do you need to remember or bring with you to "anchor" yourself when moving through a Gallup?
What wisdom might help keep your mind off of the outcome, and to allow the process itself to witness to you?
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