A prominent school of coaching contends that all persons are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. And--I would add--except for those who aren't. In fact, coaches are discouraged from engaging anyone whom they, personally, do not perceive as naturally creative, resourceful, and whole--someone, for example, who may have deep psychological wounds. This can be difficult for someone new to coaching or other helping professions--someone previously accustomed to fixing others, to prescribing and projecting outcomes on their behalf. This confidence-- that all persons are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole--essentially gives the client permission to be wrong and the coach permission to not interfere. This led to a recent conversation between me and a respected friend, a minister: He: "But what if you just know that the path they're taking is going to turn out badly?" Me: "Two things. One, it's a bit presumptuous for us to know it's going to turn out badly. God's imagination is much bigger than ours. Two, the contention is, 'The client is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.' It doesn't suggest he'll always make the best choices." He: "Oh, that's hard to watch." Me: "Oh, it can be. But it takes tremendous wisdom to know when the gentle holding of another becomes a forcible grip. It's the difference between love and compulsion, between trust and fear." As difficult as it may be for a coach, a friend, or other helper to witness it, failure is an essential component of any success. This is certainly true of spiritual formation where brokenness leads to healing, where the dark night of the soul leads to the new dawn of illumination, where spiritual death leads to resurrection. Are you willing to watch a person fail? So they can thrive? Here's an off-the-wall question. . .Where are you most "prescriptive": in your counsel to others, or in your prayer to God? Chances are, if you tend to toward prescriptive in the one space, you're likely to be prescriptive in the other. What's the learning? What does it mean to you, in this context, that "God's imagination is much bigger than yours"? Have you experienced a time when you, the helper, were proven wrong, and the gut instincts of the one you were supporting were validated? Again, what's the learning? If you were to stop fixing, to stop prescribing and projecting outcomes for others, what changes, might you imagine, would show up within your own heart and mind?
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