I recently shared a conversation with a man who is struggling to overcome impatience toward others. His impatience shows up in distance and dismissiveness, in irritation and anger. We had a follow-up visit a week after the initial conversation. You might find his discovery helpful. Here's a portion of our second visit, with his permission:

"Russ, have you had any further insights around your impatience and anger?"

"Yes. Yes, I have. People place such high expectations on me. I can't live up to them."

"Who places high expectations on you? People? Or, might it be more true to say, 'I place high expectations on myself. I can't live up to them.'"

After a significant silence: "Yes, you're right."

"Russ, What's the second 'foremost commandment'?"

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

"Let's 'flip' that commandment to see it from a fresh perspective. If I'm to love my neighbor as I love myself, is it true then that my relationships with others will reflect the relationship I have with myself?"

Again, after a significant silence: "Yes."

"So describe your relationship with others."

"I tend to be impatient toward others. Easily irritated or angered. Hard. I expect a lot from others, and I'm most always disappointed."

"Can you also say then, Russ, it's true that, 'I tend to be impatient toward myself. Easily irritated or angered. Hard. I expect a lot from myself, and I am most always disappointed'?"

And for a third time, after a significant silence: "Yes."

His spirit immediately responded to this exercise with a sense of possibility. With each successive, "Yes," I could feel his shoulders unclench and hear his voice gladden.

But how? How might we begin to love others as we ourselves desire to be loved?  

Compare the language of "the two foremost commands" (Matthew 22:37-40) and "the golden rule" (Matthew 7:12), respectively:

"Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you." This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

The final clause of each paragraph--declaring both precepts to be the basis or essence of the law--suggests a relationship between the two foremost commands and the golden rule.  

Mightn't it be possible that the golden rule is the key to fulfilling the two foremost commands and, therefore, to changing our relationship with ourselves: "I desire to be patient toward others, so I'll be patient with myself. Not easily irritated or angered. Warm. I will temper my expectations and my sense of disappointment--in others and so in myself."

What's the learning? Where and with whom will you begin to practice compassion toward others and, following, toward yourself?