What if we can't solve the problems or   

change the circumstances of those whom we seek to help?

Henri Nouwen--twentieth-century

professor, pastor, and prolific author--answered:

"Alleviating pain and suffering may sometimes be the fruit of our being with those who suffer, but that is not primarily why we are there. Ministry takes courage to be with the sick, the dying, and the poor in their weakness and in our powerlessness. We can't fix their problems or even answer their questions. We dare to be with others in mutual vulnerability and ministry precisely because God is a God who suffers with us and calls us to gratitude and compassion in the midst of pain. You...can be with people in their problems and questions with your simple presence, trusting that joy also will be found there. As Mother Teresa was fond of saying, 'Jesus does not call you to be successful, but to be faithful' [Nouwen, Spiritual Direction, p. 136].

Pastor and author Rick Warren observed, "In deep pain, people don't need logic, advice, encouragement, or even scripture. [Nor, might I add, do they need to hear 'your story.'] They just need you to show up and shut up."


Sometimes we visit those who are enduring the pain of adversity and we don't know what to say or do. So we may improvise and say things to make an awkward moment less awkward. In those moments, mightn't be possible that--in spite of our best intentions--we are trying to comfort ourselves, to quell our own anxious spirits?

Have you ever experienced the comfort of another who was sufficiently wise and content to simply and quietly, "Be With" you? What did it look like? What did it feel like?