Issue No. 63

September 2014

Are You An Achievement Junkie?

Dear Friends of Balancing Act,

Is it possible to be addicted to achievement? When is enough enough?

Those are questions my high-achieving clients often grapple with. And a Harvard business professor has some answers. According to Thomas DeLong, our high-achieving ways can be addictive to the point of self-sabotage.

If you're constantly comparing yourself to others, avoiding risks and feeling guilty, read on about his book that might help.

I'm also offering up rescue medicine for those awkward (in-person) social networking situations and a possible solution for 2 a.m. ruminations.

All in service of a happier, more balanced life.

Pat

Addicted To Achievement?

Do others see you as very smart and successful? Are you highly competitive? Hungry for positive feedback? Have an overloaded agenda? Beat yourself up when you don't complete it or make a mistake?

Then you may be someone whom Harvard Business School professor Thomas DeLong would call a "high need to achieve" individual. And that's not necessarily good.

A downside is that any blip becomes a catastrophe and any risk that can't result in a perfect performance becomes too big to take. Managing change can become overwhelming.

In his book Flying Without A Net: Turn Fear of Change Into Fuel for Success, DeLong offers practical tips for overcoming achievement addiction. One is simply to make a very clear, short bullet-point agenda for defined time periods, post it everywhere and stick to it.

Social Stress: Embrace it!

There must be someone out there who loves, loves networking. But walking into a room of strangers and making small talk is not at the top of the list for most of my clients. Instead, they wonder what to say next and how they are being judged.

Naturally, we try to lessen the stress. A new study says to do the opposite: Embrace it!

By understanding that discomfort is how we're wired to survive, we can befriend it rather than run from it and pay attention to the social cues that are making us uncomfortable.

In the study, those who appreciated that the social stress was beneficial made fewer self-defeating comments, were more engaged (rather than avoidant) in their body language and spoke with greater confidence.

Grrrr! Can't Stop Ruminating?

If there was ever an energy-depleter, it's waking up at 2 a.m. and ruminating over a mistake we've made or a personal affront we've endured.

How to stop? If the topic is "somebody done me wrong," the best cure may not be to suppress those angry feelings but instead to reappraise the situation through the eyes of the offender. In other words, instead of just yelling, "What was he (or she) thinking?" and shaking a fist, it may help to stop and actually figure out what the offender was thinking and through compassionate reappraisal, develop empathy and eventually even forgiveness. This according to a recently released study by Hope College researchers.

If the topic of the rumination is your own transgression, then a little self-compassion may be in order.

In This Issue

Quick Links

Pat's Website

Dog Journal

Latest Column

PAT'S FEATURED IN NEW BOOK

Pat's among those featured in the just-released book Unretirement: How Baby Boomers Are Changing The Way We Think About Work, Community and the Good Life by public radio contributing editor Chris Farrell.
Farrell highlights her later-life shift from attorney to coach.
A good read for anyone contemplating what's next.

LEASH LAW

Fall Fun

Budget tight but want to reconnect with friends? Try a cooking party. Just distribute a menu and recipes ahead and have each person bring ingredients. Better yet, make the menu a surprise, with guests bringing their own recipes and ingredients. A guaranteed conversation-starter (for better, or worse).

This is based on one of the 74 leash laws offered in Pat's book, The Dog Ate My Planner: Tales and Tips from an Overbooked Life.