Can You Shift Gears?

Issue No. 49

January 2013

Can You Shift Gears?

Dear Friends of Balancing Act,

A big theme with the attorneys I coach is the challenge of shifting gears between work and home. This newsletter leads with some tips for smoothing that transition, no matter where you work.

And with Valentine's Day just around the corner, what better topic than Love? A new book by positive psychologist Barbara Fredrickson busts some romance myths and helps us find love in all the right places.

Speaking of romantic love, research by those who study it see an interesting key ingredient: self-compassion

Finally, for those who would like to put brain science to work for them, a book called Just One Thing offers simple exercises to work on one week at a time, to change your brain for the better.

Here's to a life in balance (with smoothly shifting gears),

Pat

Work-Home Culture Shock

Requires Smooth Shift

Ever feel disoriented and anxious moving from your work environment to your home? According to positive psychology expert Jaime Cundy, you may well be experiencing a culture shock as real as when you move from New York City to Dubuque.

Work environments that encourage negative thinking can be especially tough to shift out of. For example, lawyers trained (appropriately) to spot the pitfalls in a proposed business scheme can have an especially tough time affirming, rather than cross-examining, folks on the home front.

So what to do?

Plan some decompression time between the two cultures that builds positive mood. You might savor the scenery on the way home, listen to some favorite music, or recall particular moments in the day that you're thankful for.

Instigate a private goodbye ritual in which you bid farewell to work for a certain period of time and physically back away from it.

And if shifting gears to home is hard for you, Cundy suggests acknowledging that the problem exists and talking about it with family members, who can become your allies in the process of shifting gears.

Love Redefined and Expanded

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, it's easy to think hearts and flowers when we hear the word LOVE.

If romance isn't on your radar screen right now - or even if it is - new research by positive psychologist Barbara Fredrickson takes the pressure off romantic love to fulfill all our love needs.

In Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become, the guru of positive emotion zooms in on "energizing micro-moments of positive resonance" with all our loved ones and even strangers as key to experiencing love.

She also lays out some best practices for creating more micro-moments of love in our daily lives. To name a few:

Make eye contact
Listen deeply
Focus on micro-moments rather than depending on large love flourishes.

More below, in Fredrickson's own words....
LOVE 2.0 by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson

A Little Self-Compassion, Please....

Self-compassion has been linked to better romantic relationships in a new study by University of Texas psychologists Kristin Neff and Tasha Beretvas.

So what does healthy self-compassion look like? According to Neff, the self-compassionate are kind to themselves in the face of difficulties and inadequacies. They also don't sugarcoat life's problems and setbacks but accept that they happen to all of us. They are able to be with their negative feelings mindfully, without exaggerating or suppressing them.

Want to delve deeper? You can read the complete study here.

In This Issue

Shifting Gears

Love Redefined

Self-Compassion

Quick Links

Pat's Website

Dog Journal

Latest Column

CHANGE YOUR MOOD, CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Pat's hit the speaking circuit with a one-hour presentation "Change Your Mood, Change Your Life," based on positive psychology research.

Designed for busy professionals, it features 10 exercises to help deal with job stress and work-life integration.

If you belong to a group that might be interested in such a talk, contact her here.

"JUST ONE THING" =

ONE BIG DIFFERENCE

Brain science is all the rage, as we learn more about how the brain works and changes. But what do we do with this information?

In Just One Thing: Developing A Buddha Brain One Simple Practice At A Time, neuropsychologist Rick Hanson provides more than 52 brain-training practices to reduce stress, lift mood, and build greater resilience.

To get the gist of his work, visit Hanson's blog.

LEASH LAW

NO. 49:

SIB(LING) SITTING

Sibling sitting is worth a try when the one left in charge is mature and has had the safety training you'd expect from an outside sitter, and there's a healthy relationship between sibs. A trial run with the parents just down the street at a neighbor's could be a good start. In any case, it's up to the parents to set ground rules that are understood by everyone involved.

This is derived from one of 74 leash laws offered in Pat's book, The Dog Ate My Planner: Tales and Tips from an Overbooked Life.