On my birthday last week my love and I parted ways. It feels symbolic that it happened on that day. I feel like this is worthy of noting since numbers and symbols are around us ready to be seen and heard. The coyotes were also a sign. We can choose to see little synchronistic moments or not. I choose to. Yesterday i finally cut off the price tag to the rug in my bedroom. I've had that rug for over a year. I guess I am committing to that rug. I may have a little issue with committing. Possibly this is from having escaped Iran at age ten with only the clothes on my back. My parents awoke my brother and I in the dead of night and told us to bring one thing with us. I brought Suzabelle, a little stuffed bear my Grandma Rose had bought me one summer when we were visiting the States. We stopped at Circus Circus in Reno Nevada on a summer road trip, and I picked Suzabelle. Later on the night of our escape, I don't know why i chose Suzabelle from the dozens of toys I had. She's not particularly cozy or cute compared to the other beautiful dolls I had. She has one cockeyed eye and some really high waisted pink overalls on. Maybe I chose her because I knew she wouldn't be adopted as easily. She could have ended up in a post revolution bon fire in the streets after our house was most probably ransacked. Everyone wants barbies and dolls with glossy hair, but who would want a cross eyed bear from Reno? So I took Suzabelle and my mother took photographs. A big bag of memories, evidence of our ten years in that land that was soon to be soaked in blood and terror. Suzabelle now sits on a shelf in my closet. She stares down at me from her place of safety and security. She survived the revolution, crossing the ocean twice, being hijacked on the way out of Iran, growing up as a refugee, divorce, getting lost in various house moves, my daughter Charlotte's tea parties and now she is finally content to just watch us quietly. She is a survivor that Suzabelle. She may seem like a little bear, but she is strong inside, powerful, serene. Willing to take the pain and make a beautiful life full of healing and joy.
