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Excerpt from Christine Warren's forthcoming book
Integrating Endings, Initiating Beginnings
All material Copyright; please do not share without written permission.
REBECCA'S TIGER
"Better to live one year as a tiger than a hundred as a sheep." -Madonna
Rebecca called me 8 years ago for a 3 day Personal Retreat Intensive in my retreat cottage. She shared feelings of low self esteem, her reliance on anti-depressants and drugs to sleep, and the persistent feeling that something was out of whack in her life. She described times of emotionally falling apart and feeling she was a big mess. But I saw something different inside of the sweet, shaky woman with long strawberry-blonde hair sitting before me. I saw a strong, bright woman, full of vigor and intelligence and spunk, just waiting to be recognized and invited into the room.
"I've had nightmares about a tiger coming after me for years", she said. "I'm running terrified, the tiger on my heels. The tiger chases me into my house, where I hide inside a cabinet, afraid to come out."
"What do tigers mean to you?" I asked. "Power, danger. Excitement. Bigness. They've so alive but also scary", Rebecca said, revealing her fear of her own power and bigness of self.  "Sometimes figures in dreams are important soul friends wanting to help us grow, even if they feel terrifying. Let's chat with this tiger and see what he has to say," I invited her. "What might your tiger say if you turned around and met him?"
Read on for the rest of the article...
"Well, he'd say, 'It's about time we met. I have been chasing you. I want to know you. Why do you run from me? I only seem dangerous because you won't let me in. I'm right in your own house. Come out of the cabinet you're hiding in' " --I saw the cabinet as possibly symbolizing Rebecca's overweight body-- " 'and let me see you. I won't bite you.' "
"Perhaps this tiger is a friend", I said. "I wonder what might happen if you greet him and see what gifts he has to give you?"
Rebecca thought. "Well, my own power. My feisty self. I don't feel very feisty or powerful", she admitted" and my husband tells me what a mess I am all the time, how my cooking isn't very good, and I don't handle business calls well. But he's really a great man", she rushed to say. Rebecca had a husband who was not interested in having a tigress in the house, and consciously or unconsciously, kept her down by putting her expression and creativity down at every turn. She was colluding by collapsing and taking on the role of the self-doubting woman, making herself the sole problem. "Plus I am clinically depressed. I saw a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me. I have to take anti-depressants every day."
"Rebecca, let's consider the tiger as a friend who wishes you good, who is trying to meet you and help you. Turn around and say hello. Maybe these dreams are a way for the tiger within you to get your attention and ask for connection." We ended our first retreat morning. I sent Rebecca off to a local Flea Market to wander and find treasures.
The next morning, Rebecca showed up for her retreat with a big smile. "Look what I found at the flea market!" she crowed, unfurling a big hand-woven rug. "I just walked into this booth, and there it was--my tiger!" She held up a beautiful Tibetan rug with a bold tiger in the center of it. I noticed the tiger was now "my tiger" to her, and marveled again at the striking symmetry of the universe, always matching what's inside of us with the outside symbols. "I can't wait to take this rug home and hang it up in my home office!" Now she was on the road back to herself.
Several months later we were on the phone in a followup session. We had done much deep work, and I never heard her speak about feeling sad or depressed. She again referred to her clinical diagnosis. "Well, I'm just a depressed person." "Rebecca, I'm not sure about that. There certainly is such a thing as clinical depression, but you and I have spent hours in sessions now, and I hear a lot of energy, anger, joy, fear, excitement--but have never once heard you say that you feel depressed." This was met with a long silence. But in our next session, Rebecca announced, " I thought about what you said, and you're right. I'm not depressed! I threw away my antidepressants and I feel great! I am also not taking drugs to sleep anymore. I have a little insomnia, but I'm using vitamins and herbs to help".
Rebecca eventually divorced her denigrating husband who didn't wish to be married to a powerhouse Scottish-American woman with a tiger in her office. She began to run again and work out at a gym with a trainer. She lost 50 pounds the first year, then 85, and now has lost 100 pounds and kept them off for years. She took up cycling. She became an active volunteer in races and cycling events to raise money for MS, making new friends everywhere she went.
She took a cruise, something her husband had always kept her from doing, though she made a six-figure income on her own. She contacted old friends who were delighted to have her merry spirit back in their lives. She did extraordinary work at her IT company and was promoted to a Global Directorship position. She sold the big home she and her husband had owned and bought a charming smaller one with a garden she loves. I sent her a candle lantern as a housewarming gift, with an electric candle that turns on at dusk each day, a reminder of the light within her always present. We have kept in touch with occasional sessions as she needs them over the years.
We spoke yesterday. Once a bankrupt, insecure young woman leaning on her take-charge husband, last week Rebecca graduated with honors from a distinguished university with a degree in Leadership , won while working a very demanding fulltime job, negotiating a divorce, buying a home, navigating the loss of a beloved parent and creating her new life.
I mentioned the old tiger dreams of long ago. "Christine, do you know that from the minute I bought that tiger rug and hung it up in my home, I have not had one more dream about tigers?" "Your tiger is out! And she is you in all her glory, Rebecca. This is what happens when we face and integrate the parts of ourselves calling for connection and life. You are an amazing woman! Good work!"
What tigers do you have inside of you wanting to meet you? What dream figures show up repeatedly, wanting your attention? Consider these as friends from your inner Self, calling for introduction and integration so that you can be your fullest Self. Take time and write a letter to you from a dream-being, even a scary one. Ask it whatever questions you wish, and free-flow the answers in a stream of unedited writing. See what your soul is trying to say to you through the language of your dreams.
Please return to your inbox to read the rest of the newsletter, including the book excerpt from my second book.
Christine
-copyright 2016, Christine Warren
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