I've turned into Miss Cranky Pants lately.  Unsettled about my hands nudging me into early retirement from my massage therapy practice (see last month's blog post). Not abundantly thrilled with the type of work involved in the first stages of supporting the baby sign language side of our business.  Wondering if I made a wrong turn somewhere a while back because I'm feeling off course and finding it hard to be happy.

I've been blessed over the last 14 years to wake up every day loving what I do for work.  I worked hard in the beginning stages of my massage therapy practice to build my client base but, after experiencing a few jobs in the corporate world, growing my business felt like play every day. And going to work was my retreat - especially after my boys were born.  Soft music, dim lights, blissful quiet and peace not only for my clients but for me, too.  

These days, I'm spending a good chunk of my time as program manager for the baby sign language side of Touch Blue Sky.  The work isn't awful by any stretch of the imagination: I manage my own time, get to come up with new ways to simplify and streamline processes, and eventually I will have more opportunity to contribute creatively to the next phase for the business.  

But for right now, most of my time and energy is invested in supporting Bill's dream, not mine. Many of my responsibilities involve just moving information around and it feels like work, not play.  And now that I'm working at home, I've noticed that I'm not setting good boundaries and work is encroaching on my family time, personal time, and happy time.  I find myself slipping back into old, unwelcome and unhelpful habits, like focusing on the negative, allowing work to become all consuming, telling myself that I'm too busy for the activities that create happiness - like dance class, hiking with girlfriends, Tai Chi, quality sleep habits, playtime with my husband and kids. I've become more and more mired in a mess of my own making.