Dr. Erica R. Holding has a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst-Doctoral level and founder of Avita Nova, which provides early diagnosis and ABA therapy for children and parent training and support. This article is based on her many years of working with families affected by autism.

When you have a grandchild with autism, the holiday season can present some extra challenges for your family. With careful planning your family can make the holiday season warm and happy for everyone.

Grandparents often express fear and anxiety about how to interact with their grandchildren.  You may feel rejected because you expect welcoming big hugs and kisses and may feel frustrated and unloved if that does not happen. Your grandchild may have sensory issues that make it overwhelming and even painful for them to be touched or hugged. They may not have the skills yet to know what to do or how to respond or they may just be learning these skills, but shut down around new people or in new situations. The most important thing is to not take this personally. They are not rejecting you. A high five or brief gaze may be all that they are currently capable of doing.

Create outlets or escape routes.  Prepare a place in your home that is quieter and provides a comfortable spot where you grandchild can "take a break" from all of the excitement.  Having a place to go for some respite time may prevent you from having to leave or end an event. Just taking a break may be all that your grandchild needs to get on to the next event.

Manage sensory input.  The holiday season is filled with new experiences. Manage these to the best of your ability. If you are taking a trip to the mall, try to go at times when the mall is less busy, or make the trip shorter. The holidays might not be the best time to try new foods. Try to have something your grandchild likes at every meal.

Control Schedules.  Routines and knowing what is happening next is often very important to individuals on the spectrum. Holiday schedules deviate completely from our daily normal routines and this can be especially difficult for a child with autism.  Ask your son or daughter how best to handle daily schedules. Some children with autism can be included in the schedule making and this is very empowering for them. Other children may be more able to understand when given a visual schedule. Find out what works best and if an unexpected change is just about to happen, find out how best to communicate that change.

Be sure to compliment your grandchild and your son 

or daughter about the new abilities and progress your grandchild has achieved.  Grandparents can be supportive good listeners who consistently give their families loving reinforcement at the holidays - and throughout the year. 

It is estimated that 90 percent of all autism resources today are designated for children under 10 years old.  Lifetime supports are lacking or insufficient nation-wide to meet the emerging needs for teens and adults with autism.  Grandparents can be instrumental in developing critically needed resources.  Here are some of the ways you can help:

New Training & Employment Opportunities

Are you an employee or owner of a company that can open positions for people with developmental disabilities?  Can you approach former or current business associates or friends to request they make new jobs available?  

Do any of your local elected officials or government offices have people with special needs on their staff?  If not, request that they do.

Patronize and thank owners and managers of companies and stores that hire people with disabilities.  Letters to corporations acknowledging your appreciation for their support will encourage their efforts.  Ask at competitive businesses if they can provide new training or work opportunities.

Can you identify prospective jobs in schools, hospitals, hotels, banks, sports venues, fitness centers, service agencies or volunteer organizations you support?  Inquire if there are positions available.

Partner with a local agency that finds work for people with disabilities. Help them to locate and contact prospective employers for training and hiring opportunities.  If you know about a job or training opportunity for a teen, share the information with a Transitions Specialist in your local high school district.

Developing and Sustaining New Housing Options

Are any housing developments for adults with autism available or underway in your community?  If so, inquire about how you can support and encourage more to be available.  If not, ask how you can advocate for new housing.

Do you want to donate a home or to set up a special needs trust for your grandchild from the proceeds of the sale of your home?  Consult an attorney who has expertise in special needs trusts to ensure that you will not disqualify your grandchild from receiving governmental benefits.

Request that your church, synagogue or service organization participate in sustaining local housing for people with special needs. Volunteers can improve the quality of life significantly for the residents by increasing social and recreational opportunities and by helping to improve or update the property.