Below you'll find eight principles to identify nurturing relationships and those that are toxic.  With a deeper understanding of how relationships impact you and your energy and then cultivating the ones you want to keep while weeding out those that hold you back, you'll be able to invite more loving connections in to your life.  With that positive energy, you'll grow stronger and more able to create the life results you want.  Please note the use of the word "friendship" below is used to describe "relationship" but obviously any of these practices can be used with a significant other, family member, or even colleague. 

• Consider your values and share them
  You can determine if a friendship is toxic by identifying your values (i.e., what is important to you, not what is important to your friends, family, or society).   Gauge if your friend has similar values or if this friend disregards and challenges those values.  If so, the friendship will feel toxic and not in alignment with your best self.  You can share your values with your friend and explain how you want to continue honoring what is important to you.  And you could convey how the current friendship doesn't allow for the space to do so.  This approach helps you be true to yourself and not attack your friend...it just points out you are different. 

• Gauge your energy level and take steps to bolster it
  You also can determine if a friendship is toxic by checking in with your energy level during and after spending time with your friend.  Ask yourself if you typically feel light and happy or heavy and emotionally depleted.  If it's the latter, this friendship is most likely toxic and could be colored by obligation or guilt.  Identify which emotion is coming up most and how you might be giving your power away in the relationship.  See if you could show up differently, dissipating the energy around that emotion.  If you're still struggling, then it's time to tell your friend how you feel.  

• Notice your beliefs about relationships and if they still serve you
  Identify beliefs you have about "friendships" and what they should be like.  For example, you might believe that you have to remain friends if you've known each other since childhood.  Or you have to be friends if your families are friends.  A more positive belief might be that you can be friends with someone who you feel energized around whenever you're together.  If you notice your beliefs are outdated and no longer resonate with you, you can choose not to have those beliefs.  And then focus on the beliefs that feel empowering. Connect more often with friends who are in line with those empowering beliefs and allow the other friendships to slowly dissolve over time. 

• Envision an ideal relationship and if the friendship is in alignment with it
  To determine where you stand in your relationships, paint a picture of what an ideal friendship would look and feel like.  If a current friendship doesn't match this image and feeling, consider redesigning or moving on from the friendship. You can even guide your friend towards this image you desire.  If you feel resistance, you can explain your ideals and how it doesn't seem like you two fit together. 

• Acknowledge how your behavior impacted the relationship
  You might want to take a look at how you're showing up in a friendship and take responsibility for at least part of the dynamic.  But no need to beat yourself up about how the friendship is playing out or shaming yourself if the relationship isn't working.  You could even explain your role in the relationship and its demise.  This might help you feel complete with the relationship and end on a good note with no one person to blame.  Finally, apologize and recognize or acknowledge it might be best to go your separate ways.  

• Evolve the dynamic of a toxic relationship you want to keep
  If you feel like you have a toxic relationship and it's one that you don't want to lose because of history or other personal connections, try to evolve the dynamic to help you keep the friendship.  Understand how you're showing up in the relationship in such a way that doesn't make it feel good.  Ask yourself how you can be different (e.g., ask for what you want more often) and evolve beyond the person you're being now.  Also, be direct with your friend about what you need and set boundaries to honor your needs.  

• If you decide to part ways, assess whether it needs to be done in person
  If you're "breaking up" with a friend and feel the need to say something, then it's a sign that you should share your thoughts and feelings in person. Obviously, communication via email, text, or social media can be misinterpreted.  But if your connection with this friendship isn't intimate enough to discuss in person, you might not even need to "break up."  Feel free to move on and your friendship could dissolve on its own and organically. 

• Forgive yourself and your friend for the relationship dynamics
  After you've decided to "break up," you can do an exercise to experience forgiveness, ultimately releasing the tension between you and your friend.  This release of tension will also decrease the negative feelings you've been experiencing within yourself.  An exercise, from the book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping, is to write 3 letters to your friend. The first letter should be written to express and release all of your emotions.  The second letter can have a softer approach and minimize your negative emotions while including some compassion for your friend.  The third letter could include what role you might have played during the friendship that hindered it from lasting.  Do not send any of these letters.  They are just meant to shift your energy about the situation and make more room for positive feelings.  After you've forgiven your friend and even yourself for the relationship not lasting, focus on the types of relationships you want.

Finally, with any relationship you want to keep or foster, determine who you need to be to have those types of connections.  Ask yourself what these people can expect from you as their friend (family, colleague, etc). Focusing on who you want to be can help you be more present and available in the moment.  This attention to the present time can allow for richer experiences and stronger relationships.  With this awareness of who you want to be in relationships and that you have a choice about how you want relationships to be, you'll further trust yourself to let new and more energizing relationships in to your life.