"When I was a young, I always struggled to get attention. I coped by being perfect or the absolute best at everything. Obviously, nobody can do that.  

I had a great deal of pain, anxiety, and stress in trying to be the impossible. This pain created a need to medicate it in some way. In middle school I was introduced to pornography.  

My battle with pornography continued. I had a secret life. I was a youth minister during the day and then had this secret life at night of somebody who struggles with pornography. I hated it. I struggled with it.  

It got so bad that when my daughter was just entering puberty, I remember a man that was in our life that caused me some red flags. I couldn't put my finger on it but I went with my gut and kept my daughter away from him.  

Later, stress in my life came to a point where I was succumbing to pornography again. I went to the local video store. They had a curtained area in the back where they had the X-rated videos. I stepped in and looked around. You always did that to see if there was anyone there that might know you.  

I saw the very guy that I was concerned about my daughter being around. My first thought was, 'I was RIGHT! My gut feeling was correct. He is that guy that I don't want my daughter to ever be around.'  

Then I looked down at my feet as I started to turn around to leave. I realized that I was that guy. I was the very same guy that I didn't want my daughter to be around because I was concerned for her safety.  

I would love to tell you that was the part of my story where it all turned around, that after that I found renewal. No. Pornography was still something I continued to lose to that I continued to fight. Not even that was enough to make me stop."  

Please don't ever take the bait on pornography due to curiosity or that it doesn't hurt anyone. Next week, I'll share my wife's testimony and what lead to our recovery. See a video of the testimony here.