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MOVEMENT IN THE EXPRESSION OF GRIEF
Lack of acitivity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save and preserve it.
Plato (424/348 B.C.) Philosopher/Mathematician
Movement
The laws of motion and energy and the growing science of kinesiology confirm the necessity of movement to the "good condition of every human being". We recognize the force of movement in the teeming activity of the beating heart and circulating blood, in the motion of muscles, bones, nerves, vocal structures, working in concert as we use-renew vital energy. And its' force was foretold in the beauty of the first moment when the earliest mothers recognized that quietly murmured loving words in synchrony with gentle movements calmed the restless, frightened, anxious baby. From those earliest memories stitched into the very core of our being, we learned to find comfort, peace and calm through diverse means of expression in service to the demands on our vital energy.
Demands on Vital Energy
It is an existential reality that the process of using-renewing vital energy is challenged by the tensions of daily living.When you are in grief, you are assailed by deeper, more profound thoughts-feelings-sensations that are often confusing, disorienting and physically battering. This accelerates the demand on your vital energy, explains the overwhelming fatigue so common in grieving, and underscores the importance of expressing your grief.
Expression of Grief
We have known since the beginning of recorded human history that the pain of grief must be expressed: literally pushed out of your body--unexpressed grief may well express itself inside your body as sickness. So, it seems to beg the question: what makes it so hard to outwardly express grief? There are many answers to this question, not least of which is that changes in the pattern of customs, responses and rituals associated with grieving and mourning convey unintended messages that you are expected to be "strong" and so, you "hold your grief inside". And there is a natural tendency for you to protect yourself from a vulnerable place deep inside that feels as if you and your world are "falling apart" and you somehow need to "hold yourself together".
The Felt-Sense-of-Falling-Apart
This felt-sense-of-falling-apart is visibly illustrated in your body language: arms folded and held close to the body, chest tight and breathing is shallow, muscles tense but no energy, voice soft and generally restrained and there is an over-all lethargy and reluctance to move. I see this so often that I have come to refer to it as "cocooning", likening it to nature's protective enclosure that insulates the vulnerable structure inside until it is ready to emerge, which is achieved only through an intense struggle. In short, the entity must struggle to free itself from the cocoon and embrace the breath of life.
Re-Creating Nature's Cocoon
You inherently tend to re-create nature's cocooning effect to protect yourself from the searing pain of your loss, even as you know that you must also re-create nature's struggle to free yourself from the pain of your grief. So, with courage, patience, and trust in yourself, you slowly, yet willingly, engage the intense strugle to break through the protective "cocoon of grief". You search to find words that express the internally held energy, knowing that words are powerful in bringing some relief, but you also know that "pushing out" the pain of grief requires a more active form of expression.
Expressing Grief Through Movement
Grief is expressed through movement as the disorienting jumble of thoughts-feelings-sensations are put into deliberate action within the context of the work-of-grief, the process having to do with healing the pain of loss. While the value of this "deliberate action" is confirmed in the science of motion, the laws of energy and often validated in personal experiences of movement and exercise, specific benefits for those in grief have not been sufficiently emphasized.
Benefits of Expressing Grief Through Movement
The overall benefit of movement specific to grieving/mourning is to enhance the process of the work-of-grief through structured, focused, deliberate movement. If you are ordinarily a "couch potato", the "cocooning effect" may well intensify that pattern, so you might begin with simple efforts, for example, stretching and bending, breathing deeply and perhaps, a short walk. Establish this as a ritual, faithfully follow it, and with time, as you find some relief in these simple movements, you might choose to add some structured movement.
Think about which structured exercise appeals to you: I suggest gentle versions of movement/exercise like Tai Chi, Yoga*, Pilates (classes in all of these are readily available). You might combine some active movement with bodywork, like massage, deep massage, Reiki and others which are also quite effective in helping you to release some of the pain of grief. Now, here are some benefits targeted specifically to the work-of-grief:**
- Movement provides you with a beginning sense of organization of all the chaotic thoughts-feelings-sensations relentlessly battering you. One aspect of the work-of-grief is the painful process of disconnecting from the physical form of the person who died while at the same time connecting with the essence/spirit of that person. It is this disconnecting-connecting that creates that "felt-sense-of-falling-apart"--for in one sense, you are! The rhythm of your life has shattered which accounts for some of the confusion and disorientation so common in grief. Structured, gentle movement with focused breathing helps you to pick up the shattered pieces and begin to re-organize them.
- Movement promotes transformation of the vital energy held captive in the "protective cocoon" you have re-created: you hold the pain you "cannot bear" in every fiber of your body.Trust the inherent wisdom of the body to heal and, slowly but willingly "push out" the pain of your grief. As you move, focus your intention on transforming the pain of your grief into the sweet, meaningful and lasting menories that will support you as your life changes. Think about this transformation as expressing the "juices of living"..not unlike expressing your fresh morning orange juice from the body of the orange....or wine from grapes.
- Movement supports you as you learn to embrace your changing identity. Aristotle, father of kinesiology, proposed that movement (kinesis) is central to identity, and we know that grief is always accompanied by a changing sense of self: those with whom you are connected create the context in which you define and describe your "self". When that connection changes, the context shifts and, for a while, within the protection of your cocoon, you struggle with many poignant, necessary questions related to identity: Who am I now? What is the meaning and purpose of my life? How am I now connected to the one who has died? As you begin to redefine your identity, purpose and meaning, you crack the surface of your cocoon and eventually break free of it.
- Movement enhances the unified process of using-renewing vital energy of life as you shift, gently but firmly, toward resolving your grief. Resolution has to do with becoming more familiar with the rhythm of your transformed life and willingly ending your grief story. As the pain of your grief subsided, you learned to treasure the memories--once so painful--as the root from which you created a transformed sense of order in your life:you find yourself authentically happy again, albeit, in a different way.
In conclusion, expression has to do with the various ways of revealing or disclosing the wholeness of our inner experiences. We choose how, when and with whom we express the pain of grief, but express it, we must! If we do not express it outwardly, it may--and often does--express itself in the body as sickness. I have focused here on the power of movement as a crucial way of expressing the pain of grief within the context of the difficult process of the work-of-grief. But I emphasize that words and movement are not separate--they are unified ways to express our human experiences: think how often we refer to "body language" in describing a "conversation".
We acknowledge this unified process when we speak of the language of art and music, of movement and dance and certainly, the profound language of stillness and silence. In embracing all these complementary forms of expression, we open ourselves to different opportunities to touch all the tender places of pain and sorrow, joy and laughter, forgetting and remembering and most important, the awakening of our vital energy.
Heed your internal healer; expand the ways in which you support the wisdom of the body to self-heal; attend to the power of movement with words to heal the pain of your grief. Every experience of grief becomes a part of your history and in surrendering the pain of each grief, you consign your dead to where they must be--and you honor their lives by living in the wholeness of what is yet to be....for you.
{*I am pleased to share with you the introduction of "Grief Support Through Yoga", a group sponsord by the Lanigan Funeral Homes specifically for persons experiencing grief. I have facilitated a grief support goup with Pat Lanigan for almost two decades and highly endorse this new effort as testament to his dedication to supporting persons in grief. For information about this program, see www.laniganfuneralhome.com}
[**work-of-grief is fully described in my book, You Don't Have to Like It, But You Do Have to Live It: www.barbaracoyne.com]
Until the next time, my very best,
Barbara |
