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Summer 2014 - Catalyst! Newsletter
from Sue Cowan Coaching
                                                                                              Issue 34           
       

Greetings!

   

Thinking about this summer newsletter, I had planned to write about taking a break and travelling. And that led me to smile as I recalled what my 86 year-old Dad had mentioned about his trip last month: when asked at airport security if he had any laptop or tablets in his hand baggage, he replied "Well, yes, but I  have the doctor's prescription with me".  

summer sunflower 

Not only gadgets have changed over the years but also the language we use. And although electronic gadgetry is keeping us connected, it's a


different connection.....and a different type of communication.       And perhaps more "screen time" leads to a reduction of opportunities to directly engage with others, whereas the yearning for better relationships remains steady.  

So enjoy a look at one aspect of communication... and do check out the classic video  clip about  a BlackBerry/ blackberry (and Dad- in case you don't know- the one with the capital letters is  the wireless handheld device, like a smartphone).

 

Have a wonderful summer.

Till   next time,               Sue

 

You can email me at [email protected]

phone me on (+41) 076 2055 076  (office and mobile)

or visit  my website    www.suecowancoaching.com

You can  read past editions of this newsletter via the archive here

In This Issue
* Communicating what you want
* Quote of the Month
* Video- My Blackberry
* Poem: Caged Bird by Maya Angelou
* About Sue Cowan Coaching
Communicating what you want  

 

The challenge of communicating! How easy it is to get it wrong...

Of course, we all know it's a two way process- the messages we give out or send, and the messages we receive. Good communication skills can have a major effect on our job performance and on the quality of our relationships. We may have the ability to speak, but that doesn't mean we do it effectively. And having the ability to hear doesn't mean we are really listening to what someone is saying to us. The scope for communication  "breakdowns" is enormous, especially in today's fast-paced, high-stress world.

 

We often have difficulty communicating what we want.

Asking for what you want is a powerful, empowering act that can have a marked ripple-effect through many areas of your life. While it may seem simple enough, four things need to be in place first:

 

1.You know what you want.

2.You fully believe you deserve it.

3.You are prepared to accept the answer "No."

4.You have the communication skills needed for an effective request.

 

What Do You Want?

Wants emerge from needs you are experiencing, for example: the need to be heard, the need for respect, expedience, intimacy. Knowing the need helps you be clear about what you are requesting. It's helpful to distinguish between needs that move us towards well-being and those that never really bring happiness, such as the desire for approval or to be right.

 

Believe You Deserve It

If you think you can't have what you want, take time to examine your limiting beliefs. Make a list of all the things you want, then write all the reasons you can't have them. Are these reasons really true? Have you made decisions about "reality" or made assumptions about others that keep you from even asking for what you want? When you ask people for what you want, you offer them the opportunity to contribute, something most of us wish to do.

 

Prepare for No

Asking for what you truly want respects your personal experience. You connect with yourself, and know where you stand. Having asked, it may no longer be so important that you get exactly what you want; the asking, itself, is empowering.

 

Effective Communication

It's often said, "The answer is always 'no' if you don't ask."  

Asking can be more effective when you follow these "guidelines for effective communication":

 

1. State your need clearly, followed by your request.

2. Ask for what you want in the present (not "I wanted you to help me with X yesterday.")

3. Ask for what you do want, not what you don't want. ("I want you to spend time with me," not "I don't want you to be at work so much.")

4. Ask in the form of a request, rather than a demand.

5. Detach from the outcome.

 

Remember that empowerment comes in the asking. When you ask for what you want, you have planted not only the seeds of better communication, but of more clearly knowing who you are, as reflected in what you want.  

 

 

 

cartoon

Quote of the Month 

" The problem with communication...

is the
illusion that is has been accomplished"

-  George Bernard Shaw     
Video / funny

I love this Ronnie Corbett  "double entendre" clip.
When two person's views of reality match, then things proceed smoothly... but so often our contexts in fact don't match so well!

(Some of the humour is culture-based: for example, non-Europeans may not be so familiar with the Orange telecoms company, but hopefully that won't spoil the enjoyment)

click  here to watch (under 3minutes).

Poem :                                                           Caged Bird  by Maya Angelou  (1928-2014)

Caged Bird   

clouds.jpg
A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind   
and floats downstream   
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and   
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   
with a fearful trill   
of things unknown   
but longed for still   
and his tune is heard   
on the distant hill   
for the caged bird   
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams   
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream   
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied   
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings    
with a fearful trill   
of things unknown   
but longed for still   
and his tune is heard   
on the distant hill   
for the caged bird   
sings of freedom.

                              
 "Caged Bird" from Shaker, Why Don't You Sing? Copyright � 1983 by Maya Angelou (1928-2014)
About Sue Cowan Coaching 
If you are considering working with a coach to gain clarity, focus and direction to help you implement some change in your life, do get in touch:
photo Sue
[email protected]
Tel. Mobile (+41) 076  2055  076

If you are curious to know more about what I do, or about coaching in general, you can visit my coaching 
website    
www.suecowancoaching.com