As far as I know, everyone feels fear (or: gets nervous or anxious) as we move through life, especially as we approach something brand new.
In her classic self-help book "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway", Susan Jeffers reminds us: "we can't escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures; it is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot".
Whether it's induced by an exterior situation (such as loss of job, natural disasters, or public speaking) or has to do with inner states of mind (like rejection, failure, or disapproval) fear often stands between us and our ability to take actions, make decisions, ask for what we need, even know what we really want. Fear is the gatekeeper to our comfort zone, and can paralyse us. Of course, that can be positive and desirable - life-saving, even - sometimes, when it stops us walking into danger...
But here I'm talking about something different. We're talking about the fear that stops us moving forward in our lives, a barrier to opportunity and growth.
Jeffers puts it quite simply: the ultimate fear is "I can't handle it!".
If we go ahead and do something DESPITE the fear, then we begin to develop more trust in our ability to handle whatever comes our way. She asks " If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you have to fear?".....interesting question indeed!
Here are 10 fears that that we commonly use to scare ourselves, that get in our way:
1. Fear of being judged. Needing approval from family or peers can keep us from going after dreams and goals.
2. Fear of rejection. Rejection just means that someone else has a different opinion.
3. Fear of emotional pain. Rather than incapacitate us, painful feelings can sharpen our sense of joy and gratitude. And they are part of being human.
4. Fear of embarrassment. Making mistakes publicly is awful only when we let ourselves feel ashamed.
5. Fear of being alone/abandoned. A strong sense of self-worth and what we can offer the world reduces this fear.
6. Fear of failure. A bigger for most of us and born of the notion that it's not OK to fail.
7. Fear of success. More responsibility, more attention, pressure to perform can be frightening when we don't believe in ourselves.
8. Fear of expressing feelings. An authentic life means being willing to express our true feelings to our loved ones, colleagues, adversaries-even ourselves.
9. Fear of intimacy. Emotional intimacy-really being seen by another-can be as scary as sexual intimacy.
10. Fear of the unknown. The unknown can be exciting and vast if we shift our fear to curiosity.
So:
Where can YOU push through the fear to become more than you are at the present moment?
Where do you stop short / hold back?
Where in your life are you hiding within your comfort zone?
And what small risk could you take now that expands that comfort zone?
What can you do to out-talk your negativity/doubt?
What are you unwilling to risk? What chance are you unwilling to take?
